I have been wondering lately how to escape the internet. I can't seem to get away from it. I am just as addicted to Facebook now as I ever was addicted to TFP. The major difference there is my mom and many many other relatives are Facebook friends so I have to strongly edit myself on there. Which sucks. At least here I am who I am.

I am pregnant!!! It was a total unplanned surprise. Once I have got used to the shock, I have become more comfortable with the thought that I am bringing child #2 into this Godforsaken world. In a matter of weeks I should be able to find out if it is a girl or boy.

Already I am wishing for my old skinny body back and not liking I can't fit into clothes. This will be the last child for me so I am going to bust my butt to get thin again after this one. It is amazing how quickly you look pregnant with the second child!! Your body already knows the route to take, so everything happens pretty fast.

Anyway that is what...

I am attracted to this person. When he is performing on stage I become aroused. It's so strange I don't even understand it. I have been to a couple live performances and would DIE to go backstage.




Marilyn Manson - The Wow Lyrics

I had a dream
This one i feel the need to mention
I was happy for a while
and i stop being scared
and ashamed to say what's on my mind
but you thought i changed after a while
And said "you better treat me different or else"
"Or Else" seems like a stupid fucking thing to say to someone like me

...

I wonder if one can ever reach a point in life where they are just ok with everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING). You know, it kinda just rolls off you like water on a ducks back.
A point where you come to accept that this is life and you should just go forth and make the most of what you have. A place where you will have no more doubts about yourself or anyone else and just chose instead to become totally zen with the space in which you reside (this sounds purely absurd to me).



Just wondering.

Sometimes I feel like I am being held underwater.

That is the most accurate way to describe this. I keep waiting for things to get better, without me having to actually do anything to make it so.

My husband and I celebrated our 4th Wedding Anniversary (six years together total) this past week. This was a record for me, as my previous longest relationship was almost six years.

I wrote him a card and as I was writing it I found myself crying. I couldn't figure out if I was crying because I felt strongly about what I was saying to him, or if I was lost and just saying things I knew I should. I am so confused. I don't think I have ever felt quite this crazed before.

I don't know how to put in words this confusion that I feel. This is a first for me. All I can do is dance around what I really want to say.

It seems like we fight so often, but it's not so much fighting, as me voicing my displeasure with him. I wonder...

So I went on Monday to have my tattoo "touched up". He ended up just redoing the whole thing, which meant essentially it was like sitting through the exact same thing twice. I am highly annoyed by this. Seems as though he used the incorrect needle the first time. He did the whole tattoo with a liner. Second time around he used a needle three times that size. Seems like someone who supposedly had ten years experience would have know the correct way to go about things. So if after it peels this time I am not 100% pleased with how it looks, this dude is not touching it again. I will go to another person and pay YET AGAIN. I hate the period of waiting for it to peel so the real image can be revealed.

I also have another complaint. I don't visit these blogs everyday like I used to. So in order to get caught up I have to go through several pages to look at the past few days. For some reason the images that roachboy posts in his blogs annoy the hell out of me. They are...