Wow, I just ran 8 miles and my feet feel like they're going to fall off. Towards the end of my run, my legs really felt like little twigs and my feet would snap off any minute. :P Interesting.

I am training for a half marathon but not really following my schedule very well. I'm supposed to run 3x a week and this has been my first run this week. I should have run 3 miles on two other days... But instead, I went hiking two times. That counts... right? :P

I feel really slow. I just went to mapmyrun.com and found out I had about 5mph pace or 11.47 minute miles. Whenever I run on the treadmill, I can usually maintain 6mph or 10min. miles or less (up to 9.40 min. miles)! What gives? Oh well. I see myself more of a survivalist runner... I run to just SURVIVE the 13 mile half marathon (or eventually, a full marathon!), and not to necessarily get the best stats or improve my pacing. Though, I hope by November 30th, during the half marathon, I can quicken my pace...

I've been writing poetry lately because it's easier to write in abstracts about feelings and emotions than delve into those emotions head on. Don't get me wrong. I love poetry, am rediscovering my love for it, in writing and reading. Poetry is a good release for me when things are hard but I also need paragraphs! And the inclination that I can think beyond metaphor, and into the heart of an issue.

I used to think poets
wore their hearts on their sleeves.
Now I think they just
wear their poems and
hide the rest...
I don't want to hide.

Unfortunately, I feel as if that's what my "Significant Other", if you would still call him that, does. There is no room for this relationship to grow anymore. I don't often know what I'm doing here, when all he does is wallow in his own alienation and pain, and shares nothing... but poems.

I'm waiting for something and no longer know if it's worth waiting for,...

the canyon
nature's edifice
deadening
deafening
delusional dungeon
I want to
strangle the wind
make him listen to air
but he just blows me off
away
the strength of a gentle sway
the rocks crash down in silence
with no one here to listen
stillness seeps in
complacency coupled by charm
i'd like to visit the canyon
peek out from above the massive
sunken
hollow hole
i shouldn't stay for long
we pray for destruction
to bring about a new cycle of change
so that something can begin
or begin again
and something else
can end
only the canyon knows
whats buried there

armegeddon
will come soon
the look in your eyes
the subtle goodbyes,
we built houses out of sticks,
only to have a war torn land,
with the simple flutter of the wind

like butterflies lost,
fluttering wings,
spinning in eternity,
i will always remember,
if not,
apathy,
sympathy,
empathy,
how do i love?
where to go from here...

i look at the desolate land,
for miles and miles,
dirt,
the color of my shoes,
ancient wounds resurface,
rebuild,
heal

i want to walk away,
but my feet remain planted,
like a root to a tree,
i'll plant the seeds,
grow again,
and again,
spin my web of intricate calamity,
this ain't paradise, honey
but it's something

armegeddon is here,
and still i stay,
digging holes for coffins,
death...