He was supposed to call me on Monday, and let me know when we could do the obligatory "here's your stuff" exchange. It's only Wednesday (early, early Wednesday), so while I'm not exactly worried, I just want it to be over.

I know for sure he has a couple of my cds... all of my Buffy dvds, and maybe half of the Angel series... my sleeping bag... my wok... and possibly some clothes. Maybe one or two other things.

I've done all the other post-breakup stuff. Deleted his numbers and pictures from my phone. Deleted his family members' and friends' numbers. Washed the tshirts I "borrowed" and put them, along with other little things I have, in a box to give back. Put away the little gifts his mom got me for Christmas & my birthday. Got incredibly drunk with my friends (whiskey on Friday night, rum on Saturday.) Listened to sad songs and cried while driving around backroads in the middle of the night. Listened to "I'm over you, asshole"...

Well, I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well, it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, your faith was strong, but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew ya
And she tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew a Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, baby, I've been here before
I've seen this room, and I've walked this floor
Y'know, I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah...

...that after having a pretty incredible past two weeks, he can bring me down in less than twenty minutes?

Maybe because part of me is whispering, you know he's right. And as much as I don't want to believe that, as much as I'm fighting against the whole idea... well, the feeling is still there.

No one has ever had this effect on my self-esteem. No one's ever made me doubt myself this much.


Regardless of whether he's right or not, we are officially over. We've been "on a break" for almost a month now, and nearly called the whole thing off several times during that month. Tonight was it, and it was rather anti-climactic, to be honest. On his end, he isn't very emotional. On my end...well, I suppose I'd come to terms with us breaking up a while ago; I was just waiting for the formalities.

So, here's to the future. And to keeping that nagging self-doubt out of my head.

...but as a girl who's always liked the nerds, I AM a little worried about more competition

Thanks for the birthday wishes, all of you who sent them. It always surprises me (pleasantly), who's paying attention


I went to a bonfire out in the sticks on Friday night after work. I bought some cheap beer, fully intending to drink two and give the rest away... but of course, that didn't happen.

There really isn't anything much better than sitting around a fire on a beautiful night, laughing your ass off with friends. Nights like that, I want to freeze, like a snapshot, and go back and revisit.

Also played a few rounds of Rock Band, which is always a good time. Ended up crashing there for the night (well, morning, by this point.)

Saturday was gorgeous. Slept late, sat outside for a while, then went home to eat cake and open cards (I got a cool windchime from Mom, but everyone else does the gift card thing... which I prefer most of the time.)

After a short nap, my best friend picked me up, and we...