Think big bouncy slobbery dog.

I'm trying to be friendly, but I get dog hair on you, and slobber down your jacket.

Please remember that I'm only playing - if the game seems too annoying, just say "down boy", and I'll get off your sofa.

You walk into my room.

You're not here, my dark lady, but you walk into my dreams every night.

The click-clack of your stiletto heels crossing the stone floor pings off the walls like hailstones off the pavement, and every motion captivates me.

You know what I like to see, and wear it well. Your silk stockings are so sheer they only exist as a platonic ideal, and the seams could be used as the plumb-line for the monument to my desire. The skirt is black, and just long enough to cover the tops of the hose, but each time you move there's a flash of creamy thigh, and the hint of a strap.

The blouse is cream silk, swollen with potential, and open far enough to show the shadow of cleavage, enhanced by a soft white brassiere.

You walk towards me, snick snack on the floor, and as you reach my chair, without a word, you lean over and kiss me.

Sighing, you run your hands down your sides to your knees, slowly,...

Some of you may know, that the Royal Shakespeare Company production of Hamlet presently on in London has in the cast Patrick Stewart (as Hamlet's Father and Hamlet's Uncle) and David Tenant (as Hamlet).

At the start of December, DT hurt his back and pulled out on his Doctor's instructions.

Well we had managed to get tickets, and certainly weren't about to cancel just because one guy pulled out.

The cast was stunning:

As Hamlet, Edward Bennett


As Claudius, Patrick Stewart


As Polonius, Oliver Ford Davies


As the Player King, John Woodvine


We drove up to London and parked near the theatre, got a cab...

Well I had an odd day.

I went to the dentist last week for a six month check up, and he said that he'd like to pull one of my wisdom teeth. The reason was to allow my jaw to close straight - he's been worried for a couple of years that I bite too far forward, and am wearing out my front teeth.

So he called me back today to have it done.

I've managed to go 38 years and NEVER had any dental work - no fillings as a kid, no extractions, no orthodontic work, nothing; so this was all new.

He sat me down, dabbed some analgesic gel on my gum, and left it a minute to take. He then injected my gum a few times with anaesthetic, and left that for 5minutes.

At the end of that he grabbed a set of forceps and just wiggled my tooth out of its socket - all told it took about 5 minutes more.

And that was it.

I was back at work for the afternoon.

This evening my work football team (5...

My office were challenged to take part in a five-a-side football (soccer) tournament a couple of weeks ago, and we sucked arse.

We lost every game and did not score a single goal.

This week, we had a rematch against one of the teams, and invited another team in for a triangular contest.

In our first game we broke our duck, although we lost the game 2:1, we score our first goal.

In our second game we won 2:nil!!

Until this, I haven't played a game of football for over 20 years, and am decidedly unfit at the moment, and yet several of the opponents praised how hard it was to get past me in defence.

I feel very worn out, but good about it.