There is a series of graphic novel's called "The Sandman." In this series, the Sandman has an library made up of every book never written. With that said ...

Last night I had this dream, I don't remember much about, but one thing stood out. There was a bunch of people in the living room, just hanging out, and someone made a reference to a story I had never heard of. At that point, someone handed me a copy of the story to read. My older sister (or that's who I think it was) stood over me while I read. But as I started to read the book out loud, so did she, so it sounded like we had planned it that way, because we read each word at the same time. Because of the rhyme, I am assuming it was a children's book. We read the whole book, together, then I woke up.

I mentioned "The Sandman" because I believe the book we read was one of his, "There May Be a Who in the Basement."

first order of business:
I dig up every bad memory you have:
starting with the death of your cat to
your mom giving you something to cry about,
your dad telling you you’re worthless,
that first love & breakup.

Second order of business:
then I confuse reality into nightmares:
your favorite flower eats your dog
you uncle kills everyone you know
& eats the ones you don't
your dad is still calling you worthless
your boyfriend is an American werewolf,
your blood tastes the best

these thoughts take over:
your man wants his meat medium rare
your dad stops calling you worthless
now you're a fucking idiot
it's been three weeks, where’s the dog?

last order of business:
this dream has ten thousand spoons

& this time, you need a knife


* * *


I am the keeper...

damn, I need a girl
cuz this lust ain’t going nowhere
at least if I had a focus
a center to my attention
I could release,
relax, rebuild,
and release again
release til my fingers cramp
til my jaw refuses to move
til my tongue is too tired to talk
relax, then rebuild, then again

the release

you have a friend, the best friend you have ever had. because of this friend you have everything you need should you ever break your arm. you have access to doctors, the means to pay them, a way to get to them. you have people who love you and will help you with everything that needs two hands, or things that you just would do slower because you don't have your dominant hand/arm. you have a job that will not only give you time off, but when that time is done they will also find work that you can do, so you can come in and continue to be paid. you have a support group and the means to get better, all because of this great friend.

but every 3 months, this friend, this best friend, is the one who breaks your arm.

this is where i am with God. God is the best friend, life is my arm, and the people in my life are the support group.

hope
1 a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen

• a person or thing that may help or save someone

• grounds for believing that something good may happen

2 archaic a feeling of trust.

verb [ intrans. ]
want something to happen or be the case

• [with infinitive ] intend if possible to do something

i never realized how important this little four letter word is, until today, when a friend honestly told me she had none. she allowed one person to take her hope away. i believe it is better to have loved and lost. either way, there is a hole, a pain, that one can not easily fix. either you loved someone and they left, and now you have the hole their presence, their love, their being, used to fill. or you have never loved, and you have the hole, the emptiness, that has been with you since birth, that is seeking that other, their presence, their love, their being, to fill it with. at least if you have loved, you have all the...