One year ago today Tt and I tied the knot.



I love this man.

Today Tt and I went to the lake at Hueston Woods with two of his friends from the business school.

There we rented kyaks. Tt and I shared a two-person kyak while each of his friends rented one of their own. At first it was difficult for Tt and I to work together due to our differing levels of kyak experience. My kyaking fun started young with summer girl's camps and my skills were solidified by dodging coral in Opunohu bay during the study abroad on Moorea. Tt went kyaking a couple of times as at the Berkeley marina when he was an undergrad. We had a difficult time steering the kyak together. We kept drifting to our right as we paddled (I've never run into this on my own or with other kyaking partners, completely new dillema). Tt joked to the other guys about how every time he has gone kyaking, he has fallen in. I haven't fallen in since I was 12, thank you, and I didn't intend for us to do it this time. It took us a while to stop fighting one another's strokes and...

I'm sorry, Mom. I keep telling you and you don't seem to want to listen.
Well, this is getting to be difficult for me.

You're putting considerable stress on me. I don't call you frequently because I'm sick of you asking the question.

Stop asking me about children.
Stop referring to the future in reference to when I *will* have children.
Stop asking me if I want my sister to save random children's clothing and toys for when I have my own.

STOP.

Please. Just stop.

Do you even know how painful this is for me? Do you care? You're not listening so I'm starting to wonder if you do.

You tell me, "Oh, I wouldn't put stress on you like that. Have kids when you want. My hands are full with your sister's kids already."
Then in the next sentence you're saying something about the future assuming that I will have children.


Sure, you don't know...

Nothing hurts more than my husband's cussing.


When something doesn't go right, he releases an incredible emotional torrent of anger that cuts to my soul.

I have just introduced the Tilted Forum Project to my closest friends.
I feel I am risking losing their friendship by allowing them to see this side of me. They have seen me through a lot, but so has this community. These friends have never been introduced to my views on sex or relationships.

This place has become such an integral part of my life, I can't bear the thought of keeping it from those closest to me. I hope they like it here. I feel they would have a great deal to contribute.