Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - Blogs - Jozrael

Nothing like

Jozrael — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:07:35 GMT

hearing your gf sobbing into the phone as she has to hang up to go to work.

Some days, not to be modest or anything, but I can be an amazing boyfriend.

This morning...not one of those times.

Kinda sucks feeling like teh scum of the earth <.<

Haihai!

Jozrael — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 19:38:41 GMT

So, lezzee. Some generic life updates and stuff cuz u peeps are cool like that and tend to read these ;o.

I live with my grandparents (moved out of my parents house at 18, I'm now 21). Previously it was for my convenience, but this last year it's grown to be more for them. My grandpa has had cancer for 2 years, and it's starting to get serious. He took radiation recently and that threw him for a loop...and chemo's coming up soon. :(. I'm not sure how much longer he's got, but at this rate I don't expect him to be around when I get back from college next summer :\.

I still game too much, but in this case too much is like 1.5-2 hours a day on average instead of the ridiculous like 18 hours a day I had 2 years ago, so that's a bit of an improvement ;)

I've got some summer schoolworks I gotta be doing, essays and such about moral development. It's all pretty cool :). I think the biggest thing I'm taking away from this is the difference in thought between men and women (and how marginalized they have been in psychology! I never knew @_@).

Ummmmm and looking for computer internships failed this summer (my fault for not being proactive enough). Hopefully I'll be less lame in the future. And, that about sums up ze life of Charlie. How goes it with y'all?

So...been awhile TFP.

Jozrael — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:54:45 GMT

I've basically been doing the college thing, playing too many games as is healthy otherwise. I've lurked here and there, but when I dropped by today I realized there's quite the drama enveloping this site.

I hear activity has been down lately. Oddly enough that coincides with me :o. I feel guilty a tad, perhaps sharing the responsibility. I read cybermikes thread about how there's no opportunity to post, and I realize that's how I've felt about TFP for a little bit now. Unless I'm lucky enough to grab a topic when it's fresh (rarely), it seems saturated with content by the time I get there. Like this supernatural thread I forcibly posted in today. It seemed anything I had to say, already said. But I felt the need to post somewhere, a singular post just to ease back in.

I've missed TFP. Hopefully I'll find some more nooks to stuff my wayward posts into.

LAN party

Jozrael — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:51:03 GMT

I'm so ready for this weekend.

Starcraft, warcraft III, and DotA are the ones I'm signed up for.

Wish me luck!

Don't download keygens.

Jozrael — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 21:25:37 GMT

So after reinstalling a nice programming tool called TextPad, I realized that it was no longer registered so I was occasionally bothered by a 'register now!' box. My roommate had previously found a working key for it, so I figured I could do the same.

Proceed to download keygen for it.

Proceed to install.

Proceed to realize the registry has been erased.

...

Factory resets are such a flippin pain in the butt.

Return of the King

Jozrael — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:33:12 GMT

December 21st.

That's 2 days from now.

Lim Yo Hwan will be discharged from the Korean Air Force.

I know it's not realistic, seeing as how much has changed in the progaming scene since his drafting 2.5 years ago.

But I still hope.

I believe in you Boxer :)

His Dark Materials

Jozrael — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 19:46:14 GMT

How did I never come across this series before.

I feel enlightened :).

Motivation

Jozrael — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 04:04:23 GMT

There's three things you need to get ahead in this world.

Intellect: the raw brainpower necessary to complete whatever work you deem necessary.

Motivation: The drive to push for your goals.

Charisma: It's all about who you know, and this is how you get to know them.

Now, I'm going to not be modest for this next statement. I am very intellectually gifted. To give an honest estimate I'd say top half percent. (Keep in mind there are several gifted minds on this forum. I'm comparing to general populace, making no such statement about here). This number is possibly higher but then I'd be making boastful guesses. I've met many people as smart as me, and a good handful smarter, but that's at prestigious colleges etc. I know my match and I know when I'm outclassed.

I am also fairly charismatic where it counts. I may not have the dashing handsome looks that will make girls swoon (though my gf doth protest when I mention this), but I have some sort of appeal that makes people like connecting with me when I'm engaging. It's earned me many a network over the years (I'm only 20, so...that's only a couple).

Where I sorely, sorely lack is in the motivation. As one very wise man told me recently when we were discussing this, it's by far the most important of the three. He's a shrink and has a fairly high-powered clientele.

And this hurts in all areas. It stops me from truly applying my intellect. I have never applied myself more than 20% to academics since middle school, and that was at my peak (when I was earning As). I currently apply myself LESS than 5% and am having severe academic difficulties. I'm on a medical leave for gaming addiction from a top tech school and it's looking like it will take a second semester to acquire four measly Bs or better. The reason why? Simple. I don't do the homework, play games in class (as in don't pay attention to 95% of what the teacher is saying) and crack the book (if I got it) 30 minutes before the exam. I know I need to improve...but.

With charisma: relationships, especially those you want for networking, take effort. Not much! But they do take a bit of maintenance. Over the last year or three I've stopped putting the grease on my relationships, and they have dwindled. New ones will spring up all over as I naturally acquire them, but after the initial interest, I drop them, despite whatever massive amounts of benefits I'm managed to acquire in the meantime, thus burning bridges behind myself. I'll always be able to acquire new contacts...but I'd prefer to keep the old ones.

In short, my life is nowhere near where it wants to be (save my girlfriend, and even then I would like to be in a better life situation so I'd be in more of a situation to support her through her college since her family is not equipped to do so). And I'm getting frustrated with it.

I've read Halx' blog at times and many parts ring so true to me.

So, here's my confession here. I'm posting it so that I have a modicum of accountability to someone, even if it's an internet forum where I'm not even truly a regular contributing member, even if I have lurked for years with the occasional input.

I am a video gaming addict. But it is more complicated than that. There is no single game that draws me in. I can (relatively) easily put down any specific game...so long as there is another vacuum to draw in my energies. I consume myself with a game, spending 80% or more of my waking energies directed at it. I can even stop gaming, but then I turn to the internet. Forums, other methods of distraction.

I can always cauterize the current festering obsession so long as it evolves into another equally unproductive source of entertainment in my insatiable thirst for vacuity.

I would like to break the cycle. I would like to gain a sense of control over my life. I would like to wake up in the morning, get shit done, have fun when it is the time to have fun (after the shit needing to be done gets done) and when I go to bed each night, not fall asleep knowing that I have failed myself that day and every day previously. I would like to be totally honest with my girlfriend, the only one who has even a glimpse into my true warped self.

/wall of text. Thanks for reading.

Mission Complete!

Jozrael — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 04:03:51 GMT

I made this after I saw the ending screen on YouTube. It was too perfect not to with the "Mavericks" already included, lol.

New hard drive.

Jozrael — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 06:03:54 GMT

It feels...empty.

I haven't gotten around to putting my backup on it, and a lot of drivers aren't working (fuck you USB internet...I don't like ethernet cables -_-. But I suppose I'll have to deal).

So yea.

Mindfuck

Jozrael — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 03:35:06 GMT

This ninja game is one. THEY'RE ALL NINJAS, AREN'T THEY, HALX? YOU MADE EVERYONE A NINJA BUT ME AND YOU'RE JUST PRETENDING THEY'RE DEAD WHEN THEY DIE. (Note, I meant to say innocent instead of dead but that works too).

I swear, EVERYONE looks like a ninja at this point. The people on my side, the people not on my side, the people switching sides, the people talking, the people not talking.

GAH.

I'm done with the ninja games (at least as a player) for a bit after this one. Before my brain implodes with all the recursive thought.

Good Lord is this fun

Jozrael — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:25:23 GMT

It's been a long time since I ran a successful mafia/vamp/werewolf game.

Good lord is it fun watching it omnisciently. I just had to say something, so I say this here xD.

And ~you'll~ just have to wait until they get knocked off, one by one, to see who is who ;).

<3~!

Figured I needed an avatar

Jozrael — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 01:52:30 GMT

Random image searching/editing turned up this.

...

I'm not really sure if I like it.

Hunting for more <.<

Where did you guys get your avatars from?

I feel like I just discovered TFP all over again.

Jozrael — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:54:54 GMT

At another general-purpose forum I frequent, I felt like I'd upgraded my membership when after many months I came across their blogs.

I came across it rather quickly this visit of mine. Weee!

What's general blog etiquette here? Short, simple ones like this okay, or are they supposed to be a bit more meaningful?