http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/ en Sun, 22 Nov 2009 05:06:29 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/images/insignia/misc/rss.jpg http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/ http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/3474-incarnate.html Sun, 16 Aug 2009 21:50:28 GMT I have been wondering lately how to escape the internet. I can't seem to get away from it. I am just as addicted to Facebook now as I ever was addicted to TFP. The major difference there is my mom and many many other relatives are Facebook friends so I have to strongly edit myself on there. Which sucks. At least here I am who I am.

I am pregnant!!! It was a total unplanned surprise. Once I have got used to the shock, I have become more comfortable with the thought that I am bringing child #2 into this Godforsaken world. In a matter of weeks I should be able to find out if it is a girl or boy.

Already I am wishing for my old skinny body back and not liking I can't fit into clothes. This will be the last child for me so I am going to bust my butt to get thin again after this one. It is amazing how quickly you look pregnant with the second child!! Your body already knows the route to take, so everything happens pretty fast.

Anyway that is what is happening here, with me.

I am putting my ink work on hold until after this baby. I was in the middle of getting my wrist worked on when I found out I was pregnant, so I had to stop. I can't wait........for more to come. ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/3474-incarnate.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2586-parental-advisory.html Mon, 18 May 2009 04:05:55 GMT I am attracted to this person. When he is performing on stage I become aroused. It's so strange I don't even understand it. I have been to a couple live performances and would DIE to go backstage.




Marilyn Manson - The Wow Lyrics

I had a dream
This one i feel the need to mention
I was happy for a while
and i stop being scared
and ashamed to say what's on my mind
but you thought i changed after a while
And said "you better treat me different or else"
"Or Else" seems like a stupid fucking thing to say to someone like me

]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2586-parental-advisory.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2570-peace.html Fri, 15 May 2009 22:01:12 GMT I wonder if one can ever reach a point in life where they are just ok with everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING). You know, it kinda just rolls off you like water on a ducks back. A point where you come to accept that *this is life* and you should just go forth and make the most of what you have.... I wonder if one can ever reach a point in life where they are just ok with everything (and I do mean EVERYTHING). You know, it kinda just rolls off you like water on a ducks back.
A point where you come to accept that this is life and you should just go forth and make the most of what you have. A place where you will have no more doubts about yourself or anyone else and just chose instead to become totally zen with the space in which you reside (this sounds purely absurd to me).



Just wondering. ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2570-peace.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2529-drowning.html Mon, 11 May 2009 04:13:07 GMT Sometimes I feel like I am being held underwater. That is the most accurate way to describe this. I keep waiting for things to get better, without me having to actually do anything to make it so. My husband and I celebrated our 4th Wedding Anniversary (six years together total) this past... Sometimes I feel like I am being held underwater.

That is the most accurate way to describe this. I keep waiting for things to get better, without me having to actually do anything to make it so.

My husband and I celebrated our 4th Wedding Anniversary (six years together total) this past week. This was a record for me, as my previous longest relationship was almost six years.

I wrote him a card and as I was writing it I found myself crying. I couldn't figure out if I was crying because I felt strongly about what I was saying to him, or if I was lost and just saying things I knew I should. I am so confused. I don't think I have ever felt quite this crazed before.

I don't know how to put in words this confusion that I feel. This is a first for me. All I can do is dance around what I really want to say.

It seems like we fight so often, but it's not so much fighting, as me voicing my displeasure with him. I wonder if anyone can ever satisfy me.


I feel as though the rubber band is cutting off the circulation. ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2529-drowning.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2497-annoyed.html Wed, 06 May 2009 14:07:50 GMT So I went on Monday to have my tattoo "touched up". He ended up just redoing the whole thing, which meant essentially it was like sitting through the exact same thing twice. I am highly annoyed by this. Seems as though he used the incorrect needle the first time. He did the whole tattoo with a liner. Second time around he used a needle three times that size. Seems like someone who supposedly had ten years experience would have know the correct way to go about things. So if after it peels this time I am not 100% pleased with how it looks, this dude is not touching it again. I will go to another person and pay YET AGAIN. I hate the period of waiting for it to peel so the real image can be revealed.

I also have another complaint. I don't visit these blogs everyday like I used to. So in order to get caught up I have to go through several pages to look at the past few days. For some reason the images that roachboy posts in his blogs annoy the hell out of me. They are just these weird ass things that I don't even want to look at and sometimes I have to go through pages of them to get to real content. Sorry roachboy but I had to let it out...... ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2497-annoyed.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2389-redo.html Sat, 25 Apr 2009 20:45:28 GMT So new ink is one week old. I am not happy about the work at all. It needs a lot of retouching in areas. Basically from what I can tell, the outline needs to be completely redone and several areas need to be filled in. This is my 5th and I have never had to have anything else retouched... So new ink is one week old.

I am not happy about the work at all. It needs a lot of retouching in areas. Basically from what I can tell, the outline needs to be completely redone and several areas need to be filled in. This is my 5th and I have never had to have anything else retouched afterwords. So I am just slightly disgruntled. I don't know if this one is different because it is on my wrist and this area bends a lot or what the deal is.

The guy I went to has 10 years experience but he is not the guy who did my other stuff. That guy moved away. :(

I don't know how long I have to wait to have the touch ups done either. I need to stop by the shop and show the muther fucker what it looks like so he can tell me. I almost don't want him to touch it, but of course if he does it then it's free. :no: ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2389-redo.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2342-new-shit.html Mon, 20 Apr 2009 01:16:24 GMT Got it yesterday, right wrist, 5th tattoo. Image: http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a380/zeponia/100_4631.jpg Got it yesterday, right wrist, 5th tattoo.


]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2342-new-shit.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2313-sleeping-dogs.html Wed, 15 Apr 2009 02:03:36 GMT Ahhh so I found my ex on facebook. This might not seem like a big deal to some, but as stupid as he is when it comes to using a computer or the internet (other then for porn) this amazed me. I saw him on myspace a little while ago and he never did anything with his page. Now that he is on facebook... Ahhh so I found my ex on facebook. This might not seem like a big deal to some, but as stupid as he is when it comes to using a computer or the internet (other then for porn) this amazed me. I saw him on myspace a little while ago and he never did anything with his page. Now that he is on facebook though I can't see his page and I WANT TO!!! I even want to write him a message. I don't know what it would say, or what it would accomplish (nothing) but I just want to do it. I want to ask him one simple question. Then again I don't know if I really want to know the answer to it. I just want to see if, six years later, he ever thinks about me.....because I still think about him. ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2313-sleeping-dogs.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2156-escape.html Tue, 31 Mar 2009 03:48:46 GMT Into the wall
He pushed me
Hard enough to make it matter
Sliding his hands
Under my shirt
I slip my rings off into my pocket
He didn't see
Not knowing his name
Doesn't matter to me
I approve of his body and
The way he is kissing me
I can forget for a moment
What it is I was missing
Before his tongue was where
It shouldn't be
I am aware how hard he is
Against me
Reaching for his
Zipper
I am reminded
What it is to be
Free ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2156-escape.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2112-ego.html Fri, 27 Mar 2009 01:36:18 GMT The people that have the largest egos are the highest on the pole.

Isn't this how things always work? I mean you got to that position somehow didn't you?

I think the problem is that no one ever put you in your place. Instead, they inflated your ego with false truths.

So who then is to blame?

The king or the kingdom?? ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/2112-ego.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/1326-everything.html Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:52:53 GMT I remember when I used to sit around and dream what it would be like to be married and have a family and to have finally found my soul mate in life. It's so funny how our mind is constantly fucking us over though.

Now I sit around and wonder what it would be like to be single and having multiple sex partners. I guess I am not the only one thinking this.

Sometimes I feel like my husband is everything I could ask for, and truly he is a wonderful man. I have no complaints that are even worth mentioning. Other times I really really miss having a "bad boy" and I yearn for the risky behavior my old life brought with it.

Most of the time though I feel like I just exist on a day to day basis. Being a mother and a wife has become the definition of who I am. ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/1326-everything.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/1223-fence.html Fri, 21 Nov 2008 21:41:23 GMT So my period should be arriving Sunday-ish.

Part of me hopes so, part of me hopes not.

We have been watching a lot of videos of my daughter when she was an infant and I have "baby fever" right now wanting another one.

Then there is the part of me who is starting to enjoy the freedom that having a older child brings. I can definitely do more with her now that she is almost 2.

My husband is feeling about like I am on this subject. He is content to wait a little longer to have another though. Being that I just turned 34, that wait can't be too long.

So we will see what the next few days brings :oogle: ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/1223-fence.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/964-whores.html Wed, 29 Oct 2008 03:59:57 GMT Attention Whores.

I hate them.

"Look at ME I am so hot, no one can resist!!"

Please leave me some more comments to reaffirm my hotness.



DISTURBING

Oh yeah, and one more thing.

If my mother sends me one more damn anti Obama email I am going to hurt someone. My morning now consists of hitting "delete" a million times to clear my inbox. Oh and she is getting tricky about it now too. Sometimes the title of the email is deceptive. Like today I got an email about a Baby Deer born through C-Section premature with bunch of cute deer pictures.

Surprise

Mom and to go and ruin it with this nice little line "Nice pictures. Too bad people will do all this to save a deer and let a baby die on the table. That's how obama wants it."


Ok I am going to go jump off my roof now. ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/964-whores.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/862-invisible.html Fri, 17 Oct 2008 03:00:02 GMT I never got my new ink.

I went in a few Tattoo studios when we were in Asheville and I just wasn't feeling it. I have to be in the mood and the right frame of mind before someone perm marks my body. My main issue is I am soooo indecisive about what I want and where I want it. I was thinking I wanted something on my right wrist but it seems like I can't find anything to go there that I want to look at for all eternity.
I am not a wall picker. I don't walk in and pick some crap flash on the spur of the moment. So I had a couple designs with me but the artists I talked to just didn't seem creative enough to do what I had in mind.
I think my old age is making me more picky then I was when I received all my other tattoos.:shakehead: ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/862-invisible.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/650-a.html Sun, 21 Sep 2008 03:19:03 GMT New ink. I am dying to acquire it. Tuesday 10/07 is the day. Pictures will follow. Placement will probably be back of the neck. New ink.

I am dying to acquire it. Tuesday 10/07 is the day.

Pictures will follow.

Placement will probably be back of the neck. ]]> *Nikki* http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/nikki/650-a.html