I am such a nerd, I miss my little guy so much it hurts.

I want to quit work and be with him all the time.

Please give me a million dollars.

My own self absorbs any importance that overloads my actual self.

I created a baby. I am God.

Never mind all those nights I ate frozen pizza. It was obviously worth it, because I am God. I create life.

Never mind the bills I neglected to pay on time, the disinterested study, the forgetful nature come our anniversary of our first date.

What bullshit.

I don't belive it for a minute. But this little guy is seriously cute. He has a thatch of blonde hair and a knowing glance. We connected instantly. It took a long, hard road to get me to this. We dated, knowing I did not want children. At some point, I decided my mind was changed like a pair of day old BVDs. And now, we're here. And yet, it's not at all like I thought.

It's better. I thought I loved D. But nothing matched the overwhelming sense of love when I saw her cuddle with GB.

Yadda yadda baby bullshit poop smells great.
...

It's official. I am a father. After a prolonged battle, the guy was delivered via c-section. He was not happy

The amazing this how he settles to my touch. He focuses on me. He wonders about me. I followed him to the nursery. They suggest this to all parents, but I was the only one there. The other babies were screaming their asses off, but mine, every time he started to cry, I rubbed his cheek, and he instantly calmed.

I held D's hand throught the operation and it was amazing. Having held her hand through so much, I never thought anything would re-direct my attention.

My reaction was the same as hers on our wedding day, "we did it!"

But really she did it. She was shaking with seizures when it was done. I held crackers to her mouth for a few hours afterwards. I got to follow our baby up to the nursery after I and gandma got to hold him. D was far too weak.

The really, I don't know, shitty thing...

D is sending me loads of government job links, mostly in public affairs.

The pay is tempting, most are at or approaching 6 figures. But I'm really centered on animal welfare.

That's a big difference between D and me. She gets a job, and learns to like it. Me, I just want to do what I want to do. She was a business major. I was so not a business major. I thought it was a big step in reality for me to change my major from music to english.

I have a major cleaning job to do tonight, although a small part of me says fuck it. My employer's re-imbursing me my deposit whether my landlord does or not. But I have gift certs for a free carpet cleaner, so I might as well give it a try. I returned a TV I borrowed, so it's mp3's for me tonight.

It's pouring here. Which is fine, I like rainy days, but not Mondays. Although next Monday might as well be Saturday for...

I'm retiring from broadcasting. I'm not rich, I'm not retiring from work. I've been spending half the week away from D, and after meeting this Monday with our station owner, I called her and said, "I'm coming home on Friday for good."

Obviously with a baby extremely close to being born, this is the logical choice. The owner guy was very generous and even covered my apartment deposit, as well as three weeks vacation.

What really surprised D is when I said, "I am never going on the air again, unless somebody else is holding the microphone, interviewing me."

It felt like a healing moment. It felt like I had options for the first time in my adult life.

There were many years of my career that I thoroughly enjoyed. I won a ton of awards from the Associated Press. I got to work for AB fucking C. I got to file for the BBC and NPR.
...