Well, I managed to get through all that stuff at work. Just a matter of keeping ahead I guess. Big thing is I got out from under the guy who didn't like me so much. It's amazing how much more focused one can be when you're not under the damn microscope. I know that I need to perform well under all conditions, but it's hard sometimes to maintain that focus. But I know what I need to work on, and I'm willing to do it. Just looking forward to moving forward.

That's what it comes down to.

I've been put on "remedials" at work.

Up to this point, I truly didn't have a good idea of what they wanted from me other than being more "assertive/aggressive." Tried doing exactly that, but still keep getting hounded. So now, through a combination of my dumb mistakes, some poor judgment, their vague instructions, and just plain bad luck, this is where I am.

What they were REALLY asking for was for me to show more initiative/drive. Show that I'm able to hack it out in the field on my own. Well Hell, why didn't you say that in the first place. Unfortunately, it took this kind of action before I was able to fully interpret what it was they wanted. And now my job is truly "on the line". I've got two weeks to impress upon them that I can manage on my own.

The shit part is, my fellow classmates won't have this particular standard to live up to. They will be moving...

Having my guts in knots that is.

The list of stresses just keep adding up.

House guests.
Money.
Wife who doesn't understand money/checking account balances.
Mother who is being overly clingy.
The last test I took at work.

And now, the new Field Training Officer (FTO) who thinks that I'm not handling myself right.

I just wanna fucking SCREAM!!!!!

The FTO basically said (what I heard second hand through my original FTO) that I'm afraid to engage the subjects. My interpretation is that because I have a difficult time keeping up with him while he's traipsing across some rock strewn hillside at mach 1 in pitch dark, that he thinks I'm holding back because I'm "afraid". (Oh, and let's not forget that this guy was a PT instructor at the academy.)

News Flash!!! Well over half the damn station can't keep up with him!

But, because I'm the trainee, I'm...

Well, the wife's daughter, son-in-law and their 13 year old daughter are staying with us. Long story short, they moved to Colorado a couple years ago, and things didn't work their way. Broken and busted, they asked to stay with us while they set up a new life for themselves in our area.

To date....(since December 10th)

Despite owing my wife and I $800, they saw fit to buy themselves a bunch of stuff like a shotgun, binoculars, sunglasses, etc. Never offered us a dime back out of that check they received.

Their daughter had (until the wife and I bought more) only 2 pairs of underwear and 1 pair of jeans.

Have only bought about $100 of groceries. Wife and I about $500.

This couples with me not being able to keep any food/drink I buy for myself "for myself". For example, I bought a half gallon of ice cream, and within 5 HOURS of buying it, it was half gone. A half gallon would have lasted me for a...

So I go in to take that retest yesterday. I've been studying like crazy, finally getting to the point where all the minutiae is starting to congeal in my brain like molasses in Antartica. Anyways, I learned a bit about myself. The big thing is that it's amazing how shaken my confidence got just from failing that test the first time. I mean, I was really starting to doubt how I could EVER pass the second test. I mean it was a different version, and with so much material to cover, there's now way I could cover all the possibilities and I was positive that every little sub topic I didn't bone up on would be there and cause me to miss that 8th question that would seal my unemployed fate.

It didn't happen.

In fact, I nailed that test in the ping-pong balls excuse for testicles so damn hard that the sparks generated from the impact will light the way for a thousand generations of test takers in the future.

I. FUCKING. GOT. A. PERFECT. SCORE....