Goin' Down the Road
Posted 02-10-2009 at 06:51 PM by shesus
Riding on the bus is sometimes interesting. I wish I had some original thoughts. I steal and merge. I don't know what is mine anymore.
How do you define real life? I’m not entering a surreal world when I go on vacation. I’m not in the midst of a delusion when I go to the coffee shop or spend time with friends or take a walk along the lake or go shopping or watch a movie. People define those enjoyable times as a break from real life. However, I view all of those things as real life along with working, commuting, and the inevitable stress. If real life is considered paying bills, working, and doing other things that most people consider chores, what is the point in living? Why waste 5, 6, or even the whole week doing nothing one considers to be real life just to get to days of escape? If one is constantly looking for an escape, what’s the point in life? To steal a favorite lyric of mine: You wasted life, why wouldn’t you waste death? I’m tired of wasting life. I’m tired of being so fucking serious. Do you want to see a magic trick?
I used to want to not live. I would think a lot about death which in my mind equals nothingness. My perception of death is floating in the darkness feeling nothing, seeing nothing, wanting nothing. No color, no worries, no deadlines, no responsibilities, no dust, no clutter, no noise, no hustle or bustle. I used it as an attention-seeking behavior. I wanted to go to there. If I had the balls enough to do it, I would have. I am wishy-washy when it comes to committing. Although, I guess I committed to life, although that was the easy choice. The easy choices are always easy to make. They don’t cause major changes. It’s the tough choices that really matter. The tough choices shatter foundations and either kill you or make you stronger. People don’t try to do things, they just do them. Trying is for people who don’t really want to make a change. Those are big words that most people don’t want to accept. I proved it to myself when I stopped smoking cold turkey over 2 years ago after 5 years of ‘trying’. Shouldn’t changing a state of mind follow the same rules?
I was like many people. I was either living in the past or waiting for that time in the future when everything would fall in place. Sometimes I still get swept away in a memory of what used to be. But I have thrown out the magical idea of that happening to make everything perfect. The truth is the past has forgotten me and the future doesn’t even know I exist. The past was for another person in another place in another time. That person cannot be resurrected. That person is no longer here. She has evolved through experiences. I can’t go back. All that leaves is today pushing forward into an unknown future. I feel good about that. I don’t want to waste life by being so serious and living for a time that has gone by or may never come to be.
Interesting things happen on the bus.
“Do you believe what you’re saying?”
“I do right now, but not that often.”
We all have the same destination. At least enjoy the ride.
How do you define real life? I’m not entering a surreal world when I go on vacation. I’m not in the midst of a delusion when I go to the coffee shop or spend time with friends or take a walk along the lake or go shopping or watch a movie. People define those enjoyable times as a break from real life. However, I view all of those things as real life along with working, commuting, and the inevitable stress. If real life is considered paying bills, working, and doing other things that most people consider chores, what is the point in living? Why waste 5, 6, or even the whole week doing nothing one considers to be real life just to get to days of escape? If one is constantly looking for an escape, what’s the point in life? To steal a favorite lyric of mine: You wasted life, why wouldn’t you waste death? I’m tired of wasting life. I’m tired of being so fucking serious. Do you want to see a magic trick?
I used to want to not live. I would think a lot about death which in my mind equals nothingness. My perception of death is floating in the darkness feeling nothing, seeing nothing, wanting nothing. No color, no worries, no deadlines, no responsibilities, no dust, no clutter, no noise, no hustle or bustle. I used it as an attention-seeking behavior. I wanted to go to there. If I had the balls enough to do it, I would have. I am wishy-washy when it comes to committing. Although, I guess I committed to life, although that was the easy choice. The easy choices are always easy to make. They don’t cause major changes. It’s the tough choices that really matter. The tough choices shatter foundations and either kill you or make you stronger. People don’t try to do things, they just do them. Trying is for people who don’t really want to make a change. Those are big words that most people don’t want to accept. I proved it to myself when I stopped smoking cold turkey over 2 years ago after 5 years of ‘trying’. Shouldn’t changing a state of mind follow the same rules?
I was like many people. I was either living in the past or waiting for that time in the future when everything would fall in place. Sometimes I still get swept away in a memory of what used to be. But I have thrown out the magical idea of that happening to make everything perfect. The truth is the past has forgotten me and the future doesn’t even know I exist. The past was for another person in another place in another time. That person cannot be resurrected. That person is no longer here. She has evolved through experiences. I can’t go back. All that leaves is today pushing forward into an unknown future. I feel good about that. I don’t want to waste life by being so serious and living for a time that has gone by or may never come to be.
Interesting things happen on the bus.
“Do you believe what you’re saying?”
“I do right now, but not that often.”
We all have the same destination. At least enjoy the ride.
Total Comments 4
Comments
-
I finished that maze in, like, 3 seconds, dummy.Posted 02-10-2009 at 06:55 PM by JumpinJesus
-
Did you at least enjoy it?Posted 02-10-2009 at 07:32 PM by shesus 
-
Modest Mouse is a band.....but that's what the maze says...hm...Posted 02-10-2009 at 08:33 PM by ngdawg
-
This reminded me of something one of my friends once said:
"Those days are long gone. We are not emotional Deloreans, equipped to time travel back into the past to relive a life once lived. To do so would be to face the peril of being stranded in the Wild West or at the very least force an inching crawl toward whatever happy future we may have in our own individual Hill Valley. If at this point, it turns out that she was my only love and that I was now to spend the rest of my life as an isolated loveless bastard, I am ecstatic that at least I had that experience. That I had her. That we had something true.
Nothing lasts forever. But the moments that we had will always exist in the time that we had them. They can never be destroyed. They will always be there, whether we choose to remember them or not. And I am so very happy for it. For us. For me."
It really sticks in my ribs regardless of how many times I read it. I want to be able to say that about a lot of things in my life, not just relationships.Posted 02-10-2009 at 08:46 PM by Plan9
Total Trackbacks 0
