http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/ en Sat, 21 Nov 2009 15:08:13 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/images/insignia/misc/rss.jpg http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/ http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1432-i-apologize.html Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:35:57 GMT yeah, i overreacted, got carried away, and the funny thing is, i actually dont care about the issue at all, i just wanted to argue a contrarian point and take the side that no one wanted. if the chick threw acid in the guys face, she would still be blind and probably still be unhappy and it... yeah, i overreacted, got carried away, and the funny thing is, i actually dont care about the issue at all, i just wanted to argue a contrarian point and take the side that no one wanted. if the chick threw acid in the guys face, she would still be blind and probably still be unhappy and it wouldnt solve anything. throwing acid in a face, for whatever reason, is of course brutal and inhumane.

so i apologize for insulting roachboy and mixedmedia. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1432-i-apologize.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1426-my-last-post.html Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:39:09 GMT since im in permenent travel mode, i have to rely on cyber cafes for internet. i have to spend money and time, and i dont always have access. right now, i am battling a keyboard that doesnt quite work. it has taken me 34 minutes to write two short emails. i came to TFP because it seemed like... since im in permenent travel mode, i have to rely on cyber cafes for internet. i have to spend money and time, and i dont always have access. right now, i am battling a keyboard that doesnt quite work. it has taken me 34 minutes to write two short emails.

i came to TFP because it seemed like a cool place to share thoughts and opinions. turns out i was wrong.

i used to respect and admire Roachboy, i thought he was pretty cool. now i just think he is a concieted closed minded elitist asshole who thinks he has it all figured out and has all the answers and is the only one who knows anything. look at all his posts. he is ALWAYS right. must be so frustrating to know everything.

then there is mixed media, who attacked me personally, at least thatt is how i took it, thinking i am ignorant enoouh to not realize what was going on where i physically was, while living vicariously through links on the internet.

my opinions and beliefs are shaped by my life, what ive seen, what ive done, what i have experienced. i do not expect everyone to see things as i do or agree with me, because i have had diffferent experiences than others. no one knows what ive seen or done, and i dont know what they have seen or done. i make an effort to see other points of view. it seems i am one of the few.

it seems "general discussion" means "see things my way, or you are wrong. be openminded, as long as you see it my way. if you dont agree with me, you are not being openminded."

and so, my life experience apparently is not valid, because what i have seen does not agree with what someone has read or thought of.

perhaps my skin is too thin for this game.

either way, i dont want to post anything anymore, i dont feel like having to argue what ive done with someone who hasnt done it. correct me if i misstate a fact, dont tell me what ive seen is wrong because it doesnt fit into your world view.

and so, the only reason to log on here would be to write here in my blog, which i like because it cant be seen outside of TFP. but time and money are precious on the road, and i already have a blog i write in.

so thanks to dlish, grumpy, rangerjoe, mrklixx, joz, and all who have read and commented and supported. you are what makes TFP a great place.

if you want to keep tabs on me, you can read my shit at
skizziks.wordpress.com

later. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1426-my-last-post.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1419-still-copan.html Tue, 16 Dec 2008 18:14:17 GMT had a good day yesterday, met some really cool folks. mark, from england, really really nice guy, also a big mountainbiker, we had lots in commong and got on well. martin, from switzerland, cool kid, pretty funny. and jussi and milka, two crazy finnish folks who knew me from oaxaca, mexico. ... had a good day yesterday, met some really cool folks. mark, from england, really really nice guy, also a big mountainbiker, we had lots in commong and got on well. martin, from switzerland, cool kid, pretty funny. and jussi and milka, two crazy finnish folks who knew me from oaxaca, mexico. they like death metal, they drink and smoke like crazy, they are hilarious. yeah, this is why i travel. i also ran into beethoven vargas, who was my roomate at the hostel in zacatecas, mexico. he is an artisan, street vendor, and i saw him selling his shit on the street here. small community, always running into the same folks.

copan is a small colonial type town, small central park, stores, bars, a few expats, nothing much. its kinda laid back, not too many tourists, not overflowing, but a steady trickle of them coming and going. the ruins are the big deal, the main attraction, and the access to the guatemalan border. on my trip so far, i have met MANY people who firmly believe in the 2012 predictions of the mayans, that the system and world as we know it will come to an end. not the end of the world, but the end of the system. people also think the mayans came up with the calendar here in copan, hence the importance of the ruins. im still not gonna go see them.

tomorrow i will head out to gracias, then possibly up to the beach and to utila, the island, where i will learn to dive. i'm not really a water guy, but fuck it, learning to dive will give me something to do, and if i get good, i could always work as at a dive school or something. another skill that will get me nowhere.

yeah, so far i am digging honduras. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1419-still-copan.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1415-now-im-honduras.html Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:52:45 GMT so i returned to antigua yesterday, it felt odd. i was walking down the street, some guatemalan guy touched my shoulder and whistled, i turned around and it was some dude who knew me from the bar, just saying hello as we passed each other. damn, i'm almost local.

so i went to the bar to see TOPS, he was happy to see me. he apologized about 50 times, thought i left because of him or something he did. i really didnt. when it came down to it, i left because i needed to move, needed to travel and see shit. so i spent one last night at the bar, chris was there, he was cooking, i made some pineapple salsa for the chicken he was frying, we ate and drank and it felt great, it had that electric feel to it.

TOPS pulled out his highschool yearbook, from CONNECTICUT. motherfucker actually went to some private school in connecticut, and his name really actually is Tops. he looked like Fez from That 70's Show. turns out he wasnt lying about things. He was sad to see me go but understood, said i always have a home there, and he gave me a going away present. A zippo lighter and a can of lighter fluid. how cool is that? yeah, i'm a bit sad to go and i do kinda miss it. there still wasnt any customers.

so at my hostel, in my room was a chick from honduras. at the bar there was a guy from nicaragua, a political refugee who was really interesting and smart, but had a crazy sort of look in his eyes. i took this as a sign, that i need to move and i'm doing the right thing.

the chick from honduras was hilarious, cute, constantly telling me im cute and touching me and kissing me on the cheek. turns out she is a hardcore christian, who wants to be a preacher and start her own church to help the world, and LOVES god and life. so a blowjob was definately out of the questoin. i remain unlaid.

woke up at stupid:30 am, got on the shuttle bus, stopped at customs, breezed right through, they didnt want to see my damn tourist card that i made sure i didnt lose, i paid cash to leave, cash to enter honduras, and here i am in Copan, Honduras. i will NOT go to see the ruins.

i do, however, have to eat and take a shower. i dont know how long i'll stay in this tiny little town. nothing to do, but i want to kind of make some sort of half assed plan. i will head north and east, that is all i know.

time to walk around and see shit. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1415-now-im-honduras.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1409-trickfucking-gods.html Sun, 14 Dec 2008 22:13:04 GMT last night was the crossdressing barbque party at the hostel. guys dressed up like girls, we ate a fantastic meal, there was live music, tequila shots, the view of the lake was enhanced by the light of the full moon, everyone was feeling good. i realized i just dont belong there in that type of... last night was the crossdressing barbque party at the hostel. guys dressed up like girls, we ate a fantastic meal, there was live music, tequila shots, the view of the lake was enhanced by the light of the full moon, everyone was feeling good. i realized i just dont belong there in that type of scene.

so this morning, even though i had signed up for a week of spanish lessons, i got up, got a shuttle out, and here i am back in antigua for one night. the bus picks me up at 4 am and takes me into honduras. see, the universe was expecting me to be in santa cruz for another week, but at the last second,without warning, i left, mixed it all up. a life of randomness and capricious behavior has gotten me this far and seems to work, so there is that.

the folks at the hostel in santa cruz were sad to see me go. i cancelled my spanish class and the week long stay. they were cool, they liked me, i just wasnt comfortable. not that i mind wearing a dress, they are sort of comfortable. i just dont see getting drunk and stoned at the lake with other english speaking folks as travel. its part of it, yeah, and i did it, but i couldnt see myself staying there a week and continuing, even though i would be studying spanish.

and so, plans were broken, changed, new ones made, and it feels good to be moving again. i will stop by the bar and see TOPS one last time, then hang out, maybe sleep a few hours, and get ready to be back on the road. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1409-trickfucking-gods.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1403-paradise-sucks.html Sat, 13 Dec 2008 23:16:12 GMT lake attitlan, guatemala, is a hugemoungous lake surrounded by monsterous moutnains, ringed with little "towns." the two larger towns are panajachel and san pedro.

after a three hour minibus ride along roads more twisted than christopher walken, we arrived in panajachel (pana to the locals). from pana we took a boat to santa cruz, where the hostel is. you have to take a boat to anywhere, its the taxi between towns.

the hostel is great, the lake is beautiful, the weather is perfect. its paradise. i hate it here. its a fucking resort. the whole lake is a resort, kind of. it has that feel. people come here to "study spanish" and smoke tons of weed, meditate, do yoga, do mushrooms, be all earthy and crusty and its just really annoying. the hostel is at the lakeside, it really does have a great view and all.

today jergan and i walked up the mountain behind the hostel, into the "town". by town, i mean houses built into and on the side of the mountain. i mean, it is fucked up. there are two pick up trucks in town, that is it. the trucks haul heavy shit up the mountain, but bundles of sticks for firewook, concrete, food, ,supplies, all other things are hauled up by women, girls, and kids, on thier back with the strap across the forehead. they are not a happy people. i walked up the mountain unencumberd and it was brutal, in the sun, with at least an 11 degree pitch. those old women and kids are hard like woodpecker lips.

afterwards we took the boat over to san pedro, ,and i saw my freind chris, the chef. he looked great, relaxed, comfortable, ,like he belonged. he is leaving tomorrow, back to antigua to help out TOPS at the pirate bar, then back home. i could live and work in san pedro if i want, chris hooked me up with a sweet job, but i dont want it. i really really like him a lot.

i hate it here. i really do. and so i am staying here one more week. the plan is this: i am going to study spanish, really learn as much as i can, and then leave and head out to honduras and regions more south. i could work here at the hostel in trade for free food and room, work as long as i want.

but staying and working, at least in this environment, isnt travelling, istn learning, its like living in the states. and i am supposed to travel, learn, and so that is what im gonna do.

so i will be here at a resort for one week, then back to travelling. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1403-paradise-sucks.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1393-novelty-has-worn-off.html Fri, 12 Dec 2008 16:50:44 GMT woke up yesterday feeling kinda sick. slept most of the day. went to the market and got a pineapple and a chicken, for my chicken and pinepple salsa. butchered up the chicken badly, brined it, and i was ready for action. i told TOPS i wasnt feeling good, i was a bit sick. he said i could leave... woke up yesterday feeling kinda sick. slept most of the day. went to the market and got a pineapple and a chicken, for my chicken and pinepple salsa. butchered up the chicken badly, brined it, and i was ready for action. i told TOPS i wasnt feeling good, i was a bit sick. he said i could leave a bit early if i needed to, he would be around. then he said he would be right back.

he never came back. i felt like shit. there was one french guy in the bar, i made him the chicken and pineapple, he loved it. he drank some beers. he only spoke french and spanish, so we talked in spanish. then Jergen the belgian came in, he was down for whatever reason, and to see me on my birthday. luckily, jergen speaks french soi they talked a bit. the bar was dead, i felt like shit, TOPS was out drinking and smoking and whatever, i realized i was no longer having fun.

and that was my birthday. happy birthday to me.

so i am leaving. its not like TOPS pays me. in fact, i buy the food, cook it, sell it, and he gets the money. i knew he wasnt going to pay me, and he said he would pay me when we start making tons of cash during high season. i dont see it happening. last night it hit me: i'm done here, time to move on. maybe in a few days i'll leave.

so this morning, i was walking down the street heading to work. i took a side road i never take, kind of out of my way. on an empty road out of the way of normal traffic, i ran into Jergen. he said he was leaving today, back to santa cruz for a huge party. he said he had to get the bus ticket and leave at 1. i asked if i could go with him, he said HELL YEAH! so that was it, that was the sign.

i stopped in the bar, saw TOPS, gave him the take from last night. he said bills were due and he still owes Q150. i told him i wont be in this evening, i gave him the take and gave him an extra 150 for the bills. i got my bus ticket, after this i pack up and leave town.

funny thing is, TOPS is a big anarchist, and has this cool book "days of war, nights of love" about anarchy, and in it it talks about not showing up to work. so that is what i´m gonna do. i wonder if he will be upset, because that is what he supports and claims to be in favor of. will he like the anarchy when it is practiced on him?

ahhhh, irony. good times.

its not longer fun, the novelty has worn off. i´ve learned a lot, had a good time, and now its time to go

now i gotta pack. the road calls me, i cant ignore it.

onward to adventure. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1393-novelty-has-worn-off.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1386-moving-speed-iceberg.html Thu, 11 Dec 2008 17:21:22 GMT it´s thursday, there is a small boxing match going on in my stomach, and i'm 40. its dead as fuck here, high season my ass. last night the streets were empty, we had about 5 people in (one of them a black swedish chick. hot!), i made two plates of jalapeno poppers and that was it. yesterday was so dead, even the electricity didnt show up for a while, reminding me i´m in guatemala.

other reminders that i´m in guatemala are the guys with shotguns standing in front of random stores. sure, the bank has them, but the guetemalan steak house? the bakery? do they really need guards? i guess i can always hire myself out as a guy with a shotgun and stand around in front of stores. i just need a shotgun.

another reminder i´m not in the states are the glands at the ass of a chicken. see, a chicken has a gland by it´s but filled with green nasty bile stuff. they take that out in the states, so most people dont know about it. not here, here they sell you the chicken, with the head and guts removed. if you dont know about the gland, surprise!

i did make some fried chicken pieces with a polynesian sweet sour pineapple sauce that TOPS really liked. he was stoned all day, but stayed around now that chris went to the lake and its just me and him.

maybe its the weather, maybe i ate something, but i´m extra tired, i think i might be fighting something. i didnt even drink yesterday. i dont think i´ll drink today either.

then again, i might be getting sick from all the corny shitty christmas music being played around here. the guatemalans cant like it, who are they playing it for?

gah. gotta go get a pinepple and another chicken and get ready for tonight. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1386-moving-speed-iceberg.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1378-pirate-ship-still-floats.html Wed, 10 Dec 2008 15:57:57 GMT it's a beautiful day in antigua, gautemala, almost makes me want to stay for a while.

last night was pretty kick ass. we made a chicken cacciatore that came out fucking spot on. TOPS went out for a walk in the afternoon, he came back with a freind who owns the new restaurant a few streets down, way cool chick. they need a chef, we suggested chris, and chris, TOPS and the chick went back to the restaurant. Chris came back said it looked ok, said TOPS was all fucked up, high and drunk, and we didnt see him the rest of the day. i ran the whole show. Chris was around to help, he put out two plates, then he hung out and i put out two plates, we sold lots of booze, we had a great time running the sinking pirate ship. the music was pumping, people were talking and laughing and drinking and eating, and it all came together. it makes me think the place just might work out.

it was one of those moments when the universe is singing and all is right. today chris is taking off for the lake, he might come back and take that job, might not. meanwhile, i have to deal with buying food and booze (we ran out of some booze last night), prepping and cooking, and possibly running the bar. If TOPS would just say "i own the bar, i'm going to go get fucked up every night, you run everything and give me the money at the end of the day" that would be great. But in his occasional lucid moments, he is involved and wants to run things his way. its a wierd relationship, but it works for now. I'm having a great time.

I really dont know if i´m gonna stay through january. if it gets busy, i cant leave the guy, i´ll have to give him a week or so to find someone. if last night was a fluke, and we dont have lots of business, then i think i´ll walk. i want to get back to travelling, go to honduras and nicaragua, make my way down to south america. there is a lot of the world i still need to see, lots of adventures that need to happen. i dont really know what to do.

and so, today i will go to the bar, clean up, make purchases, prep and cook, and hang out and see what happens. I dont know if i will do another chicken cacciatore or not. it was a big hit, and i need the chicken to make the red sauce actually taste good. i guess i can start with bacon to give it that sweetness and fullness, the bass in the music of the food. how come it tastes so good and it´s still vegetarian? because i made it like it should be made, then i removed the bacon and chicken pieces, making it vegetarian, but still tasty. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1378-pirate-ship-still-floats.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1372-wasted-years.html Tue, 09 Dec 2008 16:36:57 GMT From the coast of gold, across the seven seas,
I'm traveling on, far and wide,
But now it seems, I'm just a stranger to myself,
And all the things I sometimes do, it isn't me but someone else.

I close my eyes, and think of home,
Another city goes by, in the night,
Ain't it funny how it is, you never miss it til it's gone away,
And my heart is lying there and will be til my dying day.

So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years,
Face up...make your stand,
And realize you're living in the golden years.

Too much time on my hands, I got you on my mind,
Can't ease this pain, so easily,
When you can't find the words to say, it's hard to make it through another day,
And it makes me wanna cry, and throw my hands up to the sky.

So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years,
Face up...make your stand,
And realize you're living in the golden years.


as much as i loathe when people post song lyrics....today's words were supplied by Iron Maiden, because they pretty much said what i´m kinda feeling right about now. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1372-wasted-years.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1362-hanging-drug-bar.html Mon, 08 Dec 2008 15:27:07 GMT been a while since i posted, been busy and tired. last few days have been pretty good. Chris, the "chef" i met at the party, is hanging out with us now, cooking. he is helping me with my shitty kitchen, making it better, showing me some things, making suggestions, which i really appreciate. he is also doing lots of coke, in addition to his regular percosets and alcohol. he and TOPS get along great.

TAS and Simona, the dealers who lived above the bar, left town. Simona was the italian chick who gave me weed for my food, and TAS was the guatemalan guy who lived with her. he owns a small restaurant down the street, and had a restraining order for beating his wife, who he was still married to. For thier last night, they had a small going away party, complete with crack, coke, weed, and booze. TOPS hung out with them all night, chris would go back and do lines now and again, i ran the bar. They offered me coke, lots of coke, i politely refused.

The next day, police came, looking for TAS and simona. they got out just in time. i assume our foot traffic will slow, as people wont be in to see the dealers.

two nights ago, we had a good crowd, i put out two plates, chris put out two plates, we did some good business and had a great time. people were singing and dancing, the bar was rocking, TOPS had crashed earlier that day after a day and night of doing crack, coke, weed, and booze. the take was supposed to go to replenishing the booze stock, which is running low. I wasnt around, chris and TOPS bought an assload of new glasses and chris got TOPS to get a stack of new plates, which are awesome and cool. But we are a bar, and we are running low on booze, and we have more than enough glasses and plates.

Chris is a great guy, even though he is an alcoholic, drunk all the time and on percosets, and on the occasional coke binge. But he is almost trying to "horn in" on my gig, and i´m getting a bit antsy about it. he has more experience than i do, sure, but he isnt a trained chef, and its my kitchen, but he is telling people its his kitchen and he is the chef. TOPS says he has two chefs now. If i ran the bar and chris ran the kithcen, that would be great actually, i would totally work with chris. i know he is just having a good time, and i dont mind the help, and he has to leave soon anyway due to money issues. niether of us is getting paid, i have the cash to stay, he doesnt. i actually want him to stay, because right now the three of us are having a great time, and i wont feel bad when i leave TOPS. Its a great bar, but i´'m doing this for fun, and unless we get serious, i aint gonna stay, and having a junkie as a partner isnt all that appealing.

so yesterday was "burning the devil" day, an old guatemalan tradition where people would burn thier trash out in the street, getting rid of the "old and bad." TOPS and I built 4 devils, TOPS named them "money", "hate," "gossip" and "violence" and they were stuffed with firecrackers and we burned them in the street much to the concern of the neibors. we seroiusly expected police involvment, but its guatemala, it went off without a hitch, i dont think we caused any secondary fires, and it was a wild hoot drinking beer and watching this raging fire in the street in front of our bar.

so, two people ordered pasta carbonara, and chris made them. i asked if i could watch him, to see how he does it, maybe learn a trick or something. he started with onions, not bacon. no big deal. then he added cream and milk to the pan. i asked about the egg, he said "oh, yeah, i forgot. should i add the egg now?" then he said "hey, i´ll add some wine, it will be great" and he made a really nice wine cream sauce. it had nothing to do with carbonara. he doesnt´know how to make carbonara, the most basic of dishes. and people ordered carbonara and didnt get it. he lost some cool points on that one.

and part of the problem i have is, TOPS or others say they want pesto, or carbonara, and i make it for them, and it´s great, but they are like "this pesto isnt´creamy enough, can you add milk or something?" they have no idea what certain dishes are supposed to taste like. i can make a beautiful red sauce, with wine and cloves and such, and TOPS has said "this is good, but can you make this rancherra sauce?" and he gives me a packet of red sauce, like ragu, sweet and processed. fucking savages.

but still, its a great gig and i´m having a blast. end of the month, i´ll move on to honduras or something. today i'll go to the bar and hang out with chris and TOPS, have a good time, and see what happens. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1362-hanging-drug-bar.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1338-party-mountain.html Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:47:38 GMT i'm starting to feel relaxed and comfortable, i´m becomming local. I walk down the streets and see the same folks, they say hello, they know me. it´s wierd to be in a foreign country and still walk around town and have people know you.

yesterday, went in to work, TOPS said we are invited to the weekly party at Franks, and we are going. Frank is the business hippy who owns the huge "local arts store" and has like, 60 indiginous people working for him, weaving, carving, making the arts. He owns a few houses, is going to open up a restaurant or something, guy is loaded. you look at him, he has dirty ripped jeans, old converse, long hippy hair, and is usually stoned.

so we went to his house on the mountain. holy. fucking. shit. its a fucking compound, with an organic garden, a sauna house, a main house, and a view of all of antigua, guatemala, and the volcanos. dude owns the top of a mountain. really, holy shit.

so TOPS gave me about one and a half hours to make something, i whipped up a quick Caponatta, nailed it, it came out awesome. So we meet on wednesdays at Rileys bar and go from there, it´s apparently a wednesday thing. One of the guys who showed up was Chris, a chef who is travelling through. We totally hit it off and talked about food and travel and all sorts of things. He said he would drop by the bar and give me some tips on what i could do with my limited space. He mentioned french fries, DUH!!! So i am going to add beet and potato chips with a horseradish sauce, french fries with a honey mustard sauce, and maybe even beer battered shrimp to the menu.

so chris has travelled all over, did MANY MANY MANY drugs, still does i think, and told me about some of his adventures. He told me about drinking some sri lankan gree tea on a mountain top with a swami, and he had this vision that he has died many times. he thought about times in his life when he should have died, a car accident, a boulder falling on him, etc, and figured he did die then, but then his body skipped into a different dimension and kept going. so in one dimension, he died, and in this one, he is still here.

this made me think about when i got hit by a car full on, cracked the windshield with my head, flipped over the car, and was unhurt, save for a sprained ankle and some scratches. perhaps i did die, but then my body skipped dimensions and now i´m still going. interesting thoughts.

so it was a great time, we didn´t open the bar, but it was wednesday, probably would have been dead. i met a bunch of expats living here, i am becomming part of the community. sweet.

now i hope the bar does actual business and stays open.

tonight i hope will be a good night. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1338-party-mountain.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1324-day-6-another-decent-day.html Wed, 03 Dec 2008 17:02:13 GMT not a bad day yesterday, in fact, there was a point when the music was playing, people were eating my food, there was lots of talking, where it all came together and felt really really really cool. it is for those brief and fleeting moments i am doing what i do. and the highpoint of the day was... not a bad day yesterday, in fact, there was a point when the music was playing, people were eating my food, there was lots of talking, where it all came together and felt really really really cool. it is for those brief and fleeting moments i am doing what i do. and the highpoint of the day was i got the third burner of the stove working, so now i have three burners. WHOO!

some british chick came to the bar, got all sorts of fucked up, started getting behind the bar and serving drinks, tried to cook in my kitchen, it was hilarious. until she sold drinks to these two assholes. more on that later.

prior to that, we had no beer, TOPS didnt get beer, we are a bar, we have no beer, it´s more wrong than two boys fucking in church. finally some beer came and all was almost well. hopefully today we will get a delivery. TOPS was sober for most of the day, he had run out of weed, so he wasnt his usualy happy self, but he was alright. Later at night he found some weed he stashed behind a washing machine, he was so happy, along with the few glasses of scotch he drank, it all made his night.

i cooked about 4 plates of food, all came out good. I made some beets with a horseradish sauce, wonderful, but i cant think of anything to serve them with. They are a side, but we dont do meat, so i cant think what they would be a side to, and i cant offer them as a main. perhaps serve them with cous cous, but i dont know about the flavor combination there. rice? more fucking pasta? thing is, most people dont even like beets, but they are so damn abundant here. fuck it, i´ll cook them for me.

last night there was a bit of drama. these two guys, one from france, the other from “the future” (which was his answer when i asked him. he is either mexican or central american) were being dicks, complaining about shit, bringing bad vibes. TOPS talked to them, was getting upset with them, they were harshing his buzz. Finally, TOPS offered them a free drink, they complained more. it was something about the drunk girl, who didnt work at the bar, sold them drinks and they didnt want to pay for the drinks or whatever. either way, i was expecting the guy from the future to pull out gun and shoot TOPS, he was a complete asshole, calling people names with a smile on his face. I really really really started to hate him. I hung out until everything seemed semi calm, then i left for the night.

weekend is coming up, i hope we get some more people. but hopefully not too many people wanting to eat. i love cooking, but i cant handle more than two plates at the same time, especially depending on the plates. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1324-day-6-another-decent-day.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1309-day-5-not-bad-all.html Tue, 02 Dec 2008 17:10:07 GMT yesterday wasnt too bad. the highpoint of my day was when i went to the market and found fresh local mushrooms. i bought a bunch and made a white wine mushroom cream sauce, which came out pretty damn kick ass.

TOPS "hired" some 15 year old guatemalan girl to come in in the morning and clean, and she comes with me to the market when i get the day's food. she speaks no english, and doesnt understand my spanish, and i dont understand her. she follows me around, i ask her what stuff is, she asks the old lady selling whatever it is what it is, she tells me like i couldnt hear the lady or ask her myself, i buy it, put it in the bag, she carries it. nice system we have.

so i´m walking around the market, the big gringo followed by his little local servant girl carrying his stuff, weaving my way through women with babies on thier backs and baskets of food on thier heads, guys screaming about "best price," boys asking if i want my shoes shined, the smells of cooking food, flowers, meats, fish, the hustle and bustle, just like a movie. i saw some interesting food, didnt know what it was, so i got it. the first item looked like a tamale, but it was just a sweet corn bread roll thing. i ate some, gave some to the kid, ate some, gave some to the kid. we shopped a bit. the second thing was a fried banana ball with a chocolate filling, the lady topped it with cream and sugar. it came two to a plate, so i took the small one and gave the larger one to the kid. we were walking back to the bar and the kid was smiling huge. i asked her why she was smiling, she said cause she was happy. i think it was the first time i saw her smile, and it looked genuine. perhaps i should buy her more fried banana balls.

we returned to the bar, i cooked up the mushrooms, decided it would be the special of the day, fed TOPS (who enjoyed it with a glass of wine), the kid, and myself, and went back to my room to sleep a bit.

so i got into work later that night, TOPS was hammered. fucked up like a football bat. he had drank a few bottles of wine, smoked god knows how much pot, and who knows what else. he was blasting some shitty ass salsa music, it really got on my nerves. i prepped for the night, he put on the live guns n roses version of "knocking on heaven´s door" which i never liked no matter who did it, and something clicked. i got into the groove. i had been drinking a bit, but still, the music was blasting, a dog had come in from the street to look around and see what i was doing, if i had any food, i was chopping vegetables, it all felt "right." it was fun, there was a vibe like you read about. eventually, thankfully, TOPS disappeared to his room and crashed for the rest of the night, and it was my bar. sadly, TOPS didnt make the beer purchase, so we only had few bottles of one type of beer, and he drank all the wine, so we had no wine. a bar with no wine or beer. excellent. i only cooked three plates of food, but there was a good crowd at the bar and we were singing and hanging out and it was a really really good night.

i think tonight might be even better. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1309-day-5-not-bad-all.html http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1298-day-4-sucked-like-chest-wound.html Mon, 01 Dec 2008 15:48:43 GMT Yesterday sucked ass, but at least ended on a sort of good note.

Its like i´m stuck in some "top chef" challenge: make an awesome meal using only one pan, one pot, shitty ingredients, and a shitty two burner camp stove. Thing is, if i really knew what the fuck i was doing, I could. I bet Tom Keller could turn out an awesome meal in my shithole kitchen. i would love to blame it on the kitchen, and i maybe can a little bit, but really, its just me.

For some fucking reason, even if i do things the exact same way, the food comes out different each time. there is no consistency. any moron can make one good meal. it takes skill to produce that meal over and over and over, each time. i dont know why i cant. is it the food iteself? the shitty ass pot and pan? what the fuck is wrong?

so i made fried rice yesterday, it tasted really good. rice was sticky, flavors were straight out of some chinese food stall in a mall. TOPS didnt like it. apparently guatemalans do not like asian food, i dont know. for dinner i made shrimp scampi. TOPS didnt like it, he said it tasted too much like wine. imagine a wine sauce tasting too much like wine? he wants everything to be creamy. if its not creamy, it isnt good. he doesnt like my pesto, its not creamy enough.

for the scampi, which is so simple a three year old can make it, i made a perfect sauce, but the amount of pasta was too much, soaked it all up, and you could barely taste the sauce, it was mostly dry pasta. FUCK. i made it two more times, couldnt make it come out right. it was too "wine-y," too bitter, whatever. i can make scampi for one. i cant seem to make scampi for three. why is that?

so i was pretty down, felt like shit, why the fuck cant i produce anything tasty? thankfully no one came in yesterday, we just had some drinkers, no eaters.

one older guy, originally from england, came in. he has no passport, no name, no identity. he lives here, been here for a while. he lived in mexico, in chiapas, where Marcos is, apparently lived with the Marcos people in the mountains or something, who knows. we got into wierd philisophicle crap, it was fun and interesting. the guy apparently went two weeks without eating, only drinking water, twice. the first time was not voluntary, he said "i had a room, a bed, a tv, but i had no food." he said he hallucinated, came close to death, it was beautiful. the second time he apparently did it on purpose. it clearly changed him, made him see the world and life in a much much different way.

he also talked about smoking crack, how he loved it, LOVED it. smoked it for a week and reccommends it, but said "its great, but its dangerous." crazy cool old guy, he was really really nice, very intelligent, just kind of dropped out of it all and is doing his own thing, just another freak in the antigua freak show.

he did get me thinking though. you cant really learn stuff from books or from other people or from watching it on tv. the ONLY way to REALLY learn something is doing it. intellectually i understand how he can be so removed from life, but i cant KNOW it unless i walk that path as well.

thing is, you have to have the experience to change, but it doesnt automatically mean you change for the better. two men share an experience, one will see it as enlighting, wonderful, a learning experience. the other sees it as a waste of time, gets fucked up by it, becomes "worse" than before. two men dont eat for a week. one guy sees it as enlightening and is better for it. one guy sees it as torture and overeats the rest of his life, fearing starvation.

but if you take a step back, that is because those men are different, and have different lives shaped by different experiences, and due to those experiences, will take in and process information differently. one man sees a challenge to overcome and become stronger, one man sees a beating down.

so at what point in thier lives did they become dissimilar? when they were 10? when they were 5? could it have been at birth? if they were naturally "programmed" to react to a certain situation in a certain way, and if someone could map that trait out, know if someone will react positively or negetively to a certain situation, then theoretically they would be able to tell if someone will end up a jeff daumer or a bill gates.

that old nameless guy made me see things differently, changed how i think, got thoughts rolling. he made my night.

anyway, i just want to end up with the ability to turn out a decent fucking meal. now i gotta go to the market and get food for today. i hope i can cook better today than i did yesterday. ]]> skizziks http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/skizziks/1298-day-4-sucked-like-chest-wound.html