Drama and feelings.
I just had a cubic shit-ton of decade-old drama thrust upon me in the form of an email from a person I had a crush on when I was 16. Needless to say that I don't really consider this person to be... well, I just don't consider him very often at all. Apparently, I have not been as absent in his thoughts? I could write a dissertation on all the fucked up things about that and what went down in the course of four emails exchanged 'tween us, but I will let sleeping dogs lie. It just... put me in a funny mood I guess.
What I really wanted to blog about is that I am feeling nostalgic for a Christmas vacation that will no longer exist for me, ever. There are many reasons it will never exist. I'm too old to be the baby of the family, there are now actual children around to be babied, my father has taken ill in a way that I believe he can never recover from and all of my family is in denial over this... as I said, there are many reasons. Of greatest concern is the fact that I have the choice to lie to my family about the kind of person I am or to tell them the truth and make every moment fraught with tension and conflict. There are no other alternatives on this particular matter.
And, as any person skilled in avoidance will know, I would much rather sit here tonight being sad because the made for TV movie that I loved as a child is never aired anymore and Christmas hasn't been the same for many years without it. The Christmas Toy was, in my opinion, the best Christmas movie ever made for children. The first time I remember actually crying at a movie was when Mufasa died in the Lion King, but this movie was the first to open my little universe up to the idea of death in a very safe way. This movie made me feel wise as I learned about a thing that only adults can really understand. Perhaps it was Jim Henson's delicate treatment of it - being "frozen forever" as a euphemism for dying - that makes it so beautiful.
When I saw it as a teenager one of the last times it aired, I cried. I mean, how many puppet movies can do that?
What I really wanted to blog about is that I am feeling nostalgic for a Christmas vacation that will no longer exist for me, ever. There are many reasons it will never exist. I'm too old to be the baby of the family, there are now actual children around to be babied, my father has taken ill in a way that I believe he can never recover from and all of my family is in denial over this... as I said, there are many reasons. Of greatest concern is the fact that I have the choice to lie to my family about the kind of person I am or to tell them the truth and make every moment fraught with tension and conflict. There are no other alternatives on this particular matter.
And, as any person skilled in avoidance will know, I would much rather sit here tonight being sad because the made for TV movie that I loved as a child is never aired anymore and Christmas hasn't been the same for many years without it. The Christmas Toy was, in my opinion, the best Christmas movie ever made for children. The first time I remember actually crying at a movie was when Mufasa died in the Lion King, but this movie was the first to open my little universe up to the idea of death in a very safe way. This movie made me feel wise as I learned about a thing that only adults can really understand. Perhaps it was Jim Henson's delicate treatment of it - being "frozen forever" as a euphemism for dying - that makes it so beautiful.
When I saw it as a teenager one of the last times it aired, I cried. I mean, how many puppet movies can do that?
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Comments
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I saw that movie at the record store the other day in the used bin. I have never seen it though.
The only constant is that times change. Once that's accepted things seem much more manageable. At least that's what I've found to work for me. I also find that not pretending or hiding me has made life a lot more livable. You'll find the path that works for you. You're one smart cookie!
Posted 11-20-2008 at 07:57 PM by shesus
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Thanks for the reminder about change being the only constant. I know it and you know it, but I should really find out who in my family knows it. Even that will be nothing less than an uphill battle for sure, but I might feel better jumping into the fray if I'm armed with some good nuggets like this.
Incidentally, I just ordered the DVD on Amazon for $8.99 because I am taking control of my Christmas this year. (Or something.) The best threat I can make in the way of forcing you to watch it is that I hope to run the Chicago marathon next fall, which is a terrific excuse to crash your pad with muppet Christmas movies in tow! I think it will be near my birthday, so you can't say no!
Posted 11-20-2008 at 08:33 PM by Supple Cow
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I say jump. Cliches will be your safety net.
I could never say no to the lovely supple cow.
You know you can crash here anytime you need to with or without Christmas movies.Posted 11-20-2008 at 09:21 PM by shesus
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