Okay, so I shaved off about 45 minutes from my best time (last year). I was almost ready to be disappointed, but this is my first race where my less than optimal performance was because it was a bad day and not because I was being givey-uppey. While I had to resort back to run-walk around mile 17, I did NOT give in and decide to walk the rest of the way at any point (like I did at mile 20 at last year's MCM and at mile 19 at LA in March). That in itself feels like victory to me.

My shoes have this way of feeling like they are not my shoes on the day of a marathon. I put them on the night before, they feel like my shoes. I put them on marathon morning, they feel like somebody else's shoe. It figures.

This time, I ignored it and told myself I was going to have an awesome run and that I would NOT lose forward momentum until I was across the finish line. I felt nervous and had a rough time ignoring the shoes in the first 3 miles, so that kept me at a decently...

It's a real thing. I'm not as nervous about this marathon as I was before the first two, so this is almost ALL pent up physical energy. Plus a little bit of dread about the weather and what I should wear. Plus MORE PENT UP PHYSICAL ENERGY.

I just went to the store to get my last minute supplies (sports drink to fill my bottles and a whole lot of indulgent microwaveable food to eat when I get home). I thought that two tubs of ice cream would be a great idea, for dessert. After I eat my three favorite lean cuisines. When I went to put the cart back, I skipped to the cart return and then broke out into running on the way back to my car. My friend looked at me like a crazy.

I guess maybe I have some nerves about it, too. I want to do better than last year, and my training runs indicate that I should be able to shave an hour off of that no problem. BUT, there are important people watching this time. It's not just going to be kisses...

I am so. fucking. grouchy.

I just want the tension to break already, but I know the ball's ultimately in my court. The ball is always in my fucking court and I always feel this way when I want it to be someone else's turn.


This is the kind of time when it would be really valuable to still have a karate class. A well-meaning friend introduced me to her grappling class a month ago, but I haven't had any desire to go back since it's all the punching, kicking and bruising I miss. I don't really care to roll around on a mat with some strange dude sweating all over me.

But that is also beside the point right now.

I am just so. fucking. grouchy.

My sister's dog died last week. We are all going to miss him for his sweet, quirky personality, but my sister is a big wreck and I know it. That dog was a total mama's boy and they were practically attached at the hip. I called her yesterday to provide sisterly support and then one thing led to another and we got to the subject of my career of choice. I'll be graduating in May and it's getting too close for me to keep avoiding the subject. I refuse to lie about it.

Anyway, we fought. She said a lot of hurtful, insulting things; I tried to explain my reasons. She said more offensive things; I tried to defend myself without making the conflict worse. She insisted that were were not fighting in the same sentence that she used to drop three F-bombs on me. I said, "okay" and tried to move on. She kept bringing it up and repeating herself with that same disapproving and disgusted tone of voice; I said "okay." She interpreted everything I said as...

Lately I have been doing a lot of things that people usually do when they care a WHOLE LOT about stuff. For instance, if I were about ten years older, married and getting ready to have children, I'd be doing a LOT OF ANALYSIS about seemingly small things in my life. But I'm not. I'm just the age I am now, single, and not planning on reproducing anytime in the foreseeable future. Yet I'm consciously choosing to eat foods that I know I don't like because of their nutritional value and because I don't like the idea of giving birth to a picky eater. Is this really urgent or worrisome right now? Heck no.

I started thinking about this years ago during my first introductory course in evolutionary biology. I try to keep up with the pop science articles and big breakthroughs in the field because it really interests me. The way I see it, it's like a history and user manual all in one - the field tells the story our bodies and how we are supposed to use them to get the most...