Hey TFPers.

I got an email today from Q informing me I'd be receiving a response to mail I had sent them regarding a discussion they had on it. Furthermore, Jian was going to read it on air in an upcoming episode of Q! Hurray! I feel incredibly proud/excited. I can't wait to hear my words on Radio; it'll be the first time.

And it's far more gratifying then stage obviously. As Don McKellar's character Darren Nichols said in Slings and Arrows:

"I don't hate theatre; I pity it. It's this small, sad little medium struggling to get heard. You know, more people listen to the radio then go to the theatre. And nobody listens to the radio."

Here is letter if anyone is interested:

Hi Jian,

Big fan sir. In regards to the June eleventh broadcast of Q, in which you discussed Hollywood's recent trend of playing to kids. Several of your guests mentioned the death of Romance films; nothing contemporary...

... for the first time in a long time.

I had some sort of anxiety attack at first. I felt like I was drowning and I couldn't breathe so I was literally open mouthed, breath pulling hard and sharply. Then everything disappeared. I couldn't remember, I couldn't think or comprehend, and when my boss (who is also my step-father) was talking to me I couldn't figure out what I was saying. That turned into twitching and color - color faded. I couldn't stop moving. Felt like crying and screaming.

I was just insulating a house for godsakes.

"The episodes will wane; the aftershocks remain". My head feels like cement. I have tons of energy but I can't seem to do anything but boil; that is, sit here and let it build. When I came back to work - I went for a delivery - I was excessively happy and talkative; frighteningly so.

What I said before I went on the delivery to my step father pretty much sums it up:

"I'm...

Well not really. But here is the deal (I want to hear what you think):

My sister is 11 going on 12. She has been, since about 2 or 3, incredibly stubborn, rude, and bratty. That said she is also incredibly intelligent, beautiful, athletic, and funny. But all of that seems to go unnoticed because of her overwhelming need to piss everyone off.

She doesn't listen. Ever. In fact, she does the exact opposite. While smiling, giggling in your face.

I have never been the best brother and I regret that. We have two different mothers, and although I love my step mother very much and we have no problems to speak of, this has kind of meant we don't see each other often. I was dating quite early, and was always a popular guy in school, and tended not to visit post-going to high school. Something I regretted very much when my Dad had his stroke.

Now my sisters (11 and 6) are growing up and I regret not spending enough time with them. But...

I'm starting a show in half and hour (which means I should put on pants and go right now). Songs For A New World by Jason Robert Brown. I was cast as Man 1 which means I'll get to tenor the hell out of it.

the song I'll be singing today:


So I'll be here less. Try not to miss me. I know it'll be hard; I'm looking at you Xerxys

... and also buy him a beer.

I'm just so tired of feeling up and down; of being indecisive. I need direction I think. So I think I'm doing Katimavik this year, coupled with a trip to Europe for a month or two. Clear my head, or make it worse. Something needs to change.

You know how I know? I thought about Ashleigh today: "I miss her." I need help

- Taylor