Remember my charming, delightful blog earlier about how I loved life and my friends were fantastic, and sunshine was shooting from my ass.

Let's pump the brakes.

I am writing from a place of near emptiness and numb cohorts and meaningless sexual encounters. I've become purposeless the past few weeks. It's almost an act of trying to fuck around as much as possible to see how bad it can get and then recording it.

I'm incredibly depressed. Not quite suicidal (ie: I want to kill myself! Let's get a knife!) but certainly nihilistic (ie: Let's tempt that guy with a knife and see if he stabs me!). I feel no affiliation to any one thing, nothing moves me anymore, and I've fucked five different women in the past week and a half; I say "fucked" because that's all it was. I don't even want to drink and LOOK self-defeating. I'm incredibly depressed.

I'm on a medication for being mighty bi-polar but it seems to be useless at...

Hi. How are you? I miss you too.

Might be a bit lengthy.

My second term is far worse, in volume, and better, in quality. The stuff we do resonates with me so much, which leads me to believe that I am doing exactly what I should be doing which makes me feel very successful already. I have been doing incredibly well at school. I'm one of a few in my class that do everything (and am asked to).

I like my life right now. I am a fan of the people in my life. Today I went to lunch with Julia at Astoria on The Danforth (a girl with an affinity for being perfectly negative and... perfect) and had a four hour conversation about our lives and each other. I loved every second of it and it made me realize my life has become a series of these events. It's not contrived charming moments and created bliss. It's just nice and there and just right.

I am becoming a man. I am constantly pushed to walk the line of being indifferent in cases that...

So I have a problem.

I don't know if it's being away from ashleigh or that I'm stuck but there is someone in Toronto.

The biggest problem with Ash and I has been our lack of common interests. Even worse, most of my interests directly oppose hers. I want to read Thomas Pynchon, she wants Nick Sparks. I want to put on the newest Paul Thomas Anderson flick, she wants to watch A Walk To Remember. I'm listening to Of Montreal, she is listening to Dream Girls.

And even worse it keeps going. Our philosophies, our political stances, our passions. They all oppose. Except! We love each other.

With Bri it's the opposite. We are on the same level about everything (in that she listens and gets it!) and even though we don't see eye to eye she concedes that I have a point. Ashleigh will say "I don't want to argue". I just care... a lot. "She gets me". Fuck, I feel like some 45 year old who falls in love with a student...

I know, it's been too long. I'm sorry I've abandoned you; I know, also, that it must hurt every night, longing for my virtual touch, long since lost to school and the hell that is being in his early twenties. Taylor has died. I know... you're sad.

But rejoice! From the ashes has arisen a jackass who speaks in the third person, hasn't eaten a meal in two months, sleeps... never, and when his macbook died he lost contact with you and everyone else (porn).

So here's the deal.

I'm still in school, and I'm doing okay. Getting to class has been a struggle recently just because I've been feeling down and out for no perticular reason. Everything is starting to come to a close and I'm freaking out about moving home for awhile. Life is easier there, and, let's say it, less stabby.

I'm also just about finished taking this kind of "therapy meets acting" course with one of Canada's best acting coaches, Laurence Follows. Hey,...

Hey Guys,

I haven't been on a lot because I've been so busy. Here is the low down.

1) I found my calling. My purpose. My life's guiding light. Whatever you want to call it. I've been writing for a long time and although I love acting, my place has never quite been on stage; I felt, atleast, it was somewhere near it. I've always wanted to work as an AD for a small contemporary company but writing, like I said, has always been present. Recently I finished a one act and had a few people in the industry I work with or go to school with read it. One critique called me "his generation's Tennessee Williams". Holy shit. I am being pushed to let other playwrights read it, and then start workshopping in hopes of entering fringe festivals through out the country.

Wow.

2) School is insane. I haven't done anything but school work and work on the aforementioned project.

3) I'm back together with Ashleigh. It was...