The Teenager

It's an old cliche that youth is wasted on the youthful. And it's so damned true.

I wasn't adequately prepared for my teenage years. Neither of my parents have particularly good teenage years, and the social development that one normally goes through during middle school and high school, for them, was postponed until college. They deny it now, but it's obvious. Their development translated to a parenting style that expected I wouldn't really come out of my shell until I was 19-22, and it's something, looking back, I rebelled against with every fiber of my being.

At the age of maybe 7 or 8, I grew up. This meant I was always the responsible one in my group of friends, I got on better with older kids and adults, and had trouble connecting with kids my age until my early 20s. In a way I'm really lucky, because I was able to infuse my adult self with a ton of inner child, which has helped me to stay happy even during very dark times in my life. Unfortunately, though, it also meant that my teenage years weren't something I could really revel in.

Being a teenager was something I watched from the outside. By 13 I was already practicing safe sex, by 15 I was in a committed, long-term, monogamous relationship, and I was constantly dating older women. I took martial arts not because I idolized Bruce Lee or because I thought it was fun, but because it was a great way to get exercise and it was, in all truth, an attempt to connect with other people. I was in all of the advanced classes in school, always either getting along famously with teachers or directly competing with them. I even faked 'senioritus', as crazy as it sounds. I ditched class not because I had an overwhelming, testosterone-driven urge to rebel or go party, but simply because I'd already finished classwork, homework, and even the next week's work. I was bored and I was still looking for ways to connect to my peers, not knowing that making such a connection was so difficult because I refused to allow myself to be young.

This is not to say that I didn't make mistakes. I made some dooseys in my time. And I responded to them the way I would have imagined an adult might.

I graduated, went on to college, met someone, got engaged, started to raise a wonderful little girl, and then I had the rug pulled out from under me. It was the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. A few years on now, I really have an opportunity to reflect on the road behind when planning the road ahead (I love looking for patterns). I was thinking back to my teenage years, thinking of Ch'i's teenage years, and I was thinking of my high school friends as I was looking through my facebook friends list. Suddenly it occurred to me: I will someday have the opportunity to give my children the teenage years that I missed out on.

If you're a parent, don't be in a rush to see your kids grow up. There's a lot of rich experiences to be had by being young.