Attaining the Nexus

I was doing crunches this morning—I can do 1000 now—when I started thinking about what I'd viewed adulthood as when I was a boy. The very first thing that popped into my mind was a scene from the movie Star Trek Generations. There's a particular moment when Captain Picard is enveloped into the "nexus", a science fiction version of heaven, and he comes to in a magnificent home surrounded by his many children and a caring wife. It's Christmas, the children are all opening presents around a decorated tree, and Captain Picard simply sits on a sofa, sipping a bit of wine as dinner is just finishing up. It's all very ethereal, but the sense of a perfect the writers were undoubtedly trying to communicate came through loud and clear to my 11-year-old mind.

Ah, I thought to myself, so this is what the good part of adulthood is. I saw what essentially is still my goal in life, to have a family that I absolutely adore with my whole being, caring for them, providing for them, and experiencing life with them. A wife, children, a beautiful home, Christmas; perhaps heaven. I've had family—have family, too—but it never seemed to measure up to what I expected. There was always this odd grit to things. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, I barely even noticed it. After my life changed, after thinking back I came to the conclusion that was simply what happened when you combined a dream with real life. For maybe 3 years I've been thinking that, but this morning when I was looking at the situation as if I were still a boy, things became clear: I hadn't reached the nexus, yet.

There have been times in my life when I've felt it—when I won the middle school talent show, the first time I fell in love, experiencing the miracle of birth, the first time a 3-year-old girl not only said, "no", but was able to elaborate clearly why the answer was "no"—but I've never been able to attain it over a long period of time. The mere fact that I've experienced it, though, tells me that the nexus doesn't just have to be momentary; you don't just have to pass through it, you can live in it.

The nexus is fulfillment, and it absolutely, positively has to come from inner health and inner peace. You can't get to the nexus through overworking yourself, you can't get to the nexus by attending a Tony Robbins seminar, and you can't attain the nexus by googling "how get nexus". The nexus is clarity of perception (living without harmful bias), wisdom (experienced knowledge and the ability to apply that knowledge to your actions), self-honesty (the ability to live without self-deception) and a true understanding of your own happiness. The nexus is living in that euphoric and ethereal feeling, "like being wrapped in joy", and it's not unattainable. It's not a goal, though. Goals have to be specific, like "be honest with yourself" or "exercise every morning". The nexus is an eventual result of setting the right goals, working toward them consistently and honestly, and attaining them so that collectively you can be content.