gamefreak1398

oh wow hahahhaha

Drider_it

Once on the filming of Walker, Texas Ranger, when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a stunt man, his foot went so fast that it traveled back in time and kicked Amelia Earnhart in the head killing her on her last voyage.


The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

Although it is not common knowledge, there are three sides of the force, the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covet in the back hills of Tunsca, nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional history.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.


When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

and my personal all time fav....


Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

yes its like that...

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

__________________
It means only one thing, and everything: Cut. Once committed to fight, Cut. Everything else is secondary. Cut. That is your duty, your purpose, your hunger. There is no rule more important, no commitment that overrides that one. Cut. The lines are a portrayal of the dance. Cut from the void, not from bewilderment. Cut the enemy as quickly and directly as possible. Cut with certainty. Cut decisively, resoultely. Cut into his strength. Flow through the gaps in his guard. Cut him. Cut him down utterly. Don't allow him a breath. Crush him. Cut him without mercy to the depth of his spirit. It is the balance to life: death. It is the dance with death. It is the law a war wizard lives by, or he dies.

Baraka_Guru

LOL

Literally.

__________________
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—"Burnt Norton," Four Quartets, T. S. Eliot

Jetée

__________________
* We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us. —Marcel Proust

m0rpheus

Did you hear that they named a street after Chuck Norris?
It became the street with the highest fatality rate in the world because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

__________________
"it never got weird enough for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

Jetée

__________________
* We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us. —Marcel Proust

healer

Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.

__________________
Screw CCNA...Altiris is the way.

carrot glace

chuck norris hit godzilla so hard it became the geico gecko

just made that one up

__________________
"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

m0rpheus

The from the anti-chuck joke file.
Every night Chuck Norris goes home and prays to god. That god... is Bruce Campbell.

__________________
"it never got weird enough for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

Jetée

__________________
* We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us. —Marcel Proust

Coolyo

Atari once made an arcade game called "Fight with Chuck Norris"
Basically, you put in a quarter, and it said "You lose" on the screen....

It was Atari's best selling game.

carrot glace

chuck norris gets paid for sex regularly, even though noone fucks chuck norris

hmm, ive got to work on it

__________________
"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

Amaras

Chuck Norris cannot wear a condom, as his sperm is teflon coated.

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

Tech

my friend and i were once signing a release form to try an indoor climbing wall. my friend quietly mutters

"Chuck Norris is his own emergency contact."

i found it quite humorous

__________________
-Tim-

~I swear sometimes i feel like i'm married to a child.
~You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois, cause if i'm a child than you know what that makes you? a pedophile. and i'll be damned if i'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.

Baraka_Guru

Bets on Chuck Norris are going at 1/1.

__________________
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—"Burnt Norton," Four Quartets, T. S. Eliot

Italianman137

When Chuck does push-ups he pushes the Earth down.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad hes never cried.

carrot glace

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax simply by pointing and saying "Booya!"

__________________
"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

laconic1

There are no WMD's in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

carrot glace

in order to survive a nuclear attack, you must remember to stop, drop, and be chuck norris

the bible says samson killed 15,000 philistines with the jawbone of an ass. when god asked chuck norris what he thought about that. he said "thats one way to do it." god laughed at chucks wisdom, and said, "i knew you were going to say that."

we all know the magic word is please. as in the sentence "please dont kill me." too bad chuck norris doesnt believe in magic.

__________________
"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

Amaras

Chuck Norris was born toilet trained. That's because no one shits on Chuck Norris, not even Chuck Norris.

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

carrot glace

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. if you're thinking to yourself, "thats impossible, i already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.

it never rains on Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so fast that they actually grew younger.

__________________
"blaine is a pain and that is the truth"

Xerxys

The PS3 is Chuck Norris' console of choice as well. It can cure cancer and will deflect bullets.

__________________
Proper planning and preparation prevents piss poor performance.

Strange Famous

Once, many years ago, a savage grizzly bear attacked an man in the woods. When the bear realised that that man was Chuck Norris it was so scared that it ran to the North Pole, and all of its descendants ever since have been born with white hair.

__________________
"Lying in bed on a summer morning, with the window open, listening to the church bells, eating buttered toast with cunty fingers.” (on the meaning of Englishness)

"To say that God spoke to him in a dream is no more than to say that he dreamed that God spake to him" (Thomas Hobbes)

Baraka_Guru

Some people go on about how they only drink extra-strong coffee.

Chuck Norris eats coffee beans as though they were cereal.

__________________
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—"Burnt Norton," Four Quartets, T. S. Eliot

Strange Famous

Chuck Norris can divide by zero

__________________
"Lying in bed on a summer morning, with the window open, listening to the church bells, eating buttered toast with cunty fingers.” (on the meaning of Englishness)

"To say that God spoke to him in a dream is no more than to say that he dreamed that God spake to him" (Thomas Hobbes)

Baraka_Guru

Chuck Norris can literally kick Rachmaninov's Concerto No. 3 flawlessly out of a piano.

__________________
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—"Burnt Norton," Four Quartets, T. S. Eliot

allaboutmusic

Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully-loaded automatic machine gun. And wins.