Alternate Verbiage - Tilted Forum Project - TFP - Sexuality, Philosophy and Political Discussion

uncle phil · 09-25-2008, 01:31 PM

THE WASHINGTON POST HAS PUBLISHED THE WINNING SUBMISSIONS TO ITS YEARLY CONTEST, IN WHICH READERS ARE ASKED TO SUPPLY ALTERNATE MEANINGS FOR COMMON WORDS. AND THE WINNERS ARE:

1. coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly , adj. impotent.

6. negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Amaras · 09-25-2008, 09:13 PM

Sir, I thank you for your mighty fine post.
Frickin' great.

genuinegirly · 09-25-2008, 09:21 PM

Hehehehe. Highly enjoyable list you have there.

Nisses · 09-26-2008, 02:06 AM

Like puns, but in reverse.

I don't know why I had to laugh particularly at 5, 9 14 and 16.

09-25-2008, 01:31 PM	#1 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: pasco county	Alternate Verbiage THE WASHINGTON POST HAS PUBLISHED THE WINNING SUBMISSIONS TO ITS YEARLY CONTEST, IN WHICH READERS ARE ASKED TO SUPPLY ALTERNATE MEANINGS FOR COMMON WORDS. AND THE WINNERS ARE: 1. coffee , n. the person upon whom one coughs. 2. flabbergasted , adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. abdicate , v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. esplanade , v. to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. willy-nilly , adj. impotent. 6. negligent , adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 7. lymph , v. to walk with a lisp. 8. gargoyle , n. olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. flatulence , n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 10. balderdash , n. a rapidly receding hairline. 11. testicle , n. a humorous question on an exam. 12. rectitude , n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. pokemon , n. a Rastafarian proctologist. 14. oyster , n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism , n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. circumvent , n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

09-25-2008, 09:13 PM	#2 (permalink)
Amaras Addict Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: At my daughter's beck and call.	Sir, I thank you for your mighty fine post. Frickin' great. __________________ I used to be Grolsch, but I changed...... Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom

09-25-2008, 09:21 PM	#3 (permalink)
genuinegirly Force-Strong Moderator Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: 805	Hehehehe. Highly enjoyable list you have there. __________________ "violence is no more or less real than non-violence. " roachboy

09-26-2008, 02:06 AM	#4 (permalink)
Nisses Shade Join Date: May 2003 Location: Belgium	Like puns, but in reverse. I don't know why I had to laugh particularly at 5, 9 14 and 16. __________________ Moderation should be moderately moderated.