uncle phil

Shrek, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were all having lunch together.

Shrek said, "I've always thought that I'm the strongest man in the world, but
how can I be sure?"

Angelina Jolie agreed. "I'm told I'm the most gorgeous of them all, but
sometimes I wonder."

Brad Pitt said, "I'm pretty sure I'm the sexiest man alive but I've never had it confirmed."

They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to ask the famed talking 'mirror, mirror on the wall' to confirm for them whether Shrek was the strongest, Angelina Jolie was the most gorgeous and Brad Pitt was the sexiest. They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.

The next day Shrek walked up with a smile. "Well, it's true. The mirror told
me that I am the strongest man in the world."

Angelina Jolie perked up and said: 'And I know for sure that I'm the most gorgeous of them all."

But Brad Pitt lifted his sad, sexy face and said...

"Who the fuck is uncle phil?"

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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"We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches...
We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
- Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message"
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.

Kahn

I just spit mountain dew all over my monitor

you owe me bigtime

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Attention everyone: We have another potential asshole in the area !

You don't have bad luck, the reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass !!

Dinner $50
Drinks $30
Motel $40

Finding out she swallows -
PRICELESS!!!

jewels

usosilly

Pssssst ... love the new avatar!

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Politics is applesauce.


- Will Rogers

troit

Should have seen that one coming... NICE!!

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I've yet to dephile myself...

SSJTWIZTA

Thanks for the good one uncle phil.

i got the biggest grin on my face right now

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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

genuinegirly

Hehehe. Yeah. That's a fun one.

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"violence is no more or less real than non-violence. " roachboy

Brewmaniac

Made me smile! Thanks Uncle Phil -

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"That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son"
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" Personal Tolerance, Empathy & Love toward fellow human beings, is the first step in healing this fractured world!" - Me

Daniel_

Filed the serial number off and sold it on already!

Thanks Philipe!

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╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝