The Art of Insult - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

GreyWolf · 10-16-2009, 10:06 AM

Just got this from a friend of mine... lot of them I've seen before, but it's always nice to have a collection of notable insults.

When Insults Had Class - These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words:

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker uncl

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

dkenpachi · 10-16-2009, 11:20 AM

this is awesome. well said tho

uncle phil · 10-19-2009, 01:08 PM

very good...

Tully Mars · 10-20-2009, 10:38 AM

Many I've not heard before... great work.

mino · 10-26-2009, 05:25 AM

I'm reminded of one of Australia's great political wits, former Prime Minister Gough Whitlam. Two that spring to mind (from memory, may not be exact):

Heckler: "Whitlam, I wouldn't vote for you if you were the Archangel Gabriel"
Whitlam: "Madam, if I were the Archangel Gabriel I'm quite sure you wouldn't be in my electorate."

and one which supposedly took place in Parliament itself, which makes it all the more classy:

Doug Anthony (leader of the Country Party): "I'm not just a member, I've long been a country member, and..."
Whitlam (interjecting): "Oh, we remember."

As I recall, Whitlam later claimed that that second one was the first time he'd ever got applause from both sides of the chamber.

10-16-2009, 10:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
GreyWolf Insane Location: Eastern Canada Blog Entries: 4	The Art of Insult Just got this from a friend of mine... lot of them I've seen before, but it's always nice to have a collection of notable insults. *When Insults Had Class - These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words:* The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker uncl "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx __________________ *She was not quite what you would call refined.* *She was not quite what you would call unrefined.* *She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. - Mark Twain*

10-19-2009, 01:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Moderator Location: pasco county	very good... __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

10-20-2009, 10:38 AM	#4 (permalink)
Tully Mars Living in a Warmer Insanity Super Moderator Location: Yucatan, Mexico Blog Entries: 8	Many I've not heard before... great work. __________________ Vice President Starkizzer Fan Club People are always bitching about getting what they deserve... I think if they did they'd be greatly disappointed. Me

10-16-2009, 11:20 AM	#2 (permalink)
dkenpachi Upright	this is awesome. well said tho

10-26-2009, 05:25 AM	#5 (permalink)
mino Rookie Location: Melbourne, Australia	I'm reminded of one of Australia's great political wits, former Prime Minister Gough Whitlam. Two that spring to mind (from memory, may not be exact): Heckler: "Whitlam, I wouldn't vote for you if you were the Archangel Gabriel" Whitlam: "Madam, if I were the Archangel Gabriel I'm quite sure you wouldn't be in my electorate." and one which supposedly took place in Parliament itself, which makes it all the more classy: Doug Anthony (leader of the Country Party): "I'm not just a member, I've long been a country member, and..." Whitlam (interjecting): "Oh, we remember." As I recall, Whitlam later claimed that that second one was the first time he'd ever got applause from both sides of the chamber.