Not Your Everyday Blonde Joke - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

uncle phil · 10-25-2009, 02:57 AM

A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed.

Smiling,the blonde thanked them and said, 'Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots.'

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.

All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father's mouth was agape. 'That was beautiful,' he said.

The blonde put her driver away and said, 'I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little.'

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.)

The son said, 'Damn, lady, you played that perfectly.'

The blonde frowned and said, 'It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt.' She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.

Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway.

For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turned to the three guys and said, 'I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course.

If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night.'

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, 'Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup.'

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. 'Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup.'

The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, 'That's a gimme, sweetheart.'

The blonde smiled and said, 'Your car or mine?'

OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME!

blahblah454 · 10-25-2009, 12:02 PM

Haha as if!

cdwonderful · 10-25-2009, 12:16 PM

Phil, I believe you have distilled the essence of our lives into a single post.....

Xerxys · 10-25-2009, 05:37 PM

Wow, that was long and I didn't even get it.

cdwonderful · 10-25-2009, 05:43 PM

dude! it means the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.....

Salem · 10-26-2009, 11:48 AM

hahaha that was awesome

telekinetic · 10-26-2009, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xerxys

Wow, that was long and I didn't even get it.

A 'gimmie' is a putt judged by the people you're playing with to be short enough that it isn't worth actually hitting...just assume it will go in, count the stroke, and pick up the ball.

Leto · 10-26-2009, 12:14 PM

ahhhhhh.......

Nisses · 10-27-2009, 01:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twistedmosaic

A 'gimmie' is a putt judged by the people you're playing with to be short enough that it isn't worth actually hitting...just assume it will go in, count the stroke, and pick up the ball.

I suppose you need to be a golfer...
Thanks for the clarification

bazkitcase5 · 10-27-2009, 10:03 AM

score!

dlish · 10-27-2009, 11:30 AM

well done..take a bow

cdwonderful · 10-27-2009, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dlish

well done..take a bow

jeez, like that ego needs bolstering?

pta200 · 10-28-2009, 07:22 AM

Faaaantastic!!

Plan9 · 10-28-2009, 07:52 AM

The quote at the end was used repeatedly in my youth. My father and mentor both told me to beware the "old men" in my life... they'll kick my ass every time.

10-25-2009, 02:57 AM	#1 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Moderator Location: pasco county	Not Your Everyday Blonde Joke A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them. She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she could join them. Naturally, the guys all agreed. Smiling,the blonde thanked them and said, 'Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don't try to coach me on how to play my shots.' With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first. All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green. The father's mouth was agape. 'That was beautiful,' he said. The blonde put her driver away and said, 'I really didn't get into it, and I faded it a little.' After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole. (She was closest to the pin.) The son said, 'Damn, lady, you played that perfectly.' The blonde frowned and said, 'It was a little weak, but even an easy seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt.' She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie. Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole. When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par. She turned to the three guys and said, 'I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really like to break 70 on this course. If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the rest of the night.' The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, 'Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup.' The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. 'Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup.' The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her and said, 'That's a gimme, sweetheart.' The blonde smiled and said, 'Your car or mine?' OLD AGE AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME! __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

10-25-2009, 12:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
cdwonderful another passenger Location: Youngstown, Ohio	Phil, I believe you have distilled the essence of our lives into a single post..... __________________ Never try to teach a pig to whistle it wastes your time, and annoys the pig.....

10-25-2009, 05:37 PM	#4 (permalink)
Xerxys feeling lascivious ... Location: Cary, NC. Blog Entries: 37	Wow, that was long and I didn't even get it. __________________ Proper planning and preparation prevents piss poor performance.

10-25-2009, 05:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
cdwonderful another passenger Location: Youngstown, Ohio	dude! it means the shortest distance between two points is a straight line..... __________________ Never try to teach a pig to whistle it wastes your time, and annoys the pig.....

10-26-2009, 11:48 AM	#6 (permalink)
Salem Crazy Location: Canada	hahaha that was awesome __________________ You're just an empty cage girl, if you kill the bird.

10-25-2009, 12:02 PM	#2 (permalink)
blahblah454 Let's put a smile on that face Location: On the road... Blog Entries: 1	Haha as if!

10-26-2009, 12:14 PM	#8 (permalink)
Leto Junkie Location: The Danforth	ahhhhhh....... __________________ You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey And I never saw someone say that before You held my hand and we walked home the long way You were loosening my grip on Bobby Orr http://dune.wikia.com/wiki/Leto_Atreides_I

10-27-2009, 10:03 AM	#10 (permalink)
bazkitcase5 Tilted Location: Tupelo, MS	score!

10-27-2009, 11:30 AM	#11 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Moderator Location: Australia/UAE Blog Entries: 11	well done..take a bow __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere "Romance is never having to apologize for getting it in her hair" - World's King

10-28-2009, 07:22 AM	#13 (permalink)
pta200 Insane	Faaaantastic!!

10-28-2009, 07:52 AM	#14 (permalink)
Plan9 Gorilla Cum Laude Location: Prime Self Blog Entries: 114	The quote at the end was used repeatedly in my youth. My father and mentor both told me to beware the "old men" in my life... they'll kick my ass every time. __________________ "The days go on and on... they don't end. All my life needed was a sense of someplace to go. I don't believe that one should devote his life to morbid self-attention, I believe that one should become a person like other people." Formerly username "Crompsin."