Offensive Jesus Jokes... - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

AngelicVampire · 10-13-2005, 11:24 AM

A long one, not Jesus but still probably offensive.

During the reign of John Paul II it was decided that all Jews should be removed from Vatican City. After praying to God John Paul decided that simply evicting the Jews was unfair and that he should debate with an average Jew, if the Jew could best him in a theological discussion he would allow them to stay. Knowing that it would be seen as unfair if the Pope debated a simple Jew John Paul decided to make the contest fair by allowing both parties to only use hand signals.

Mohammed the Jew entered the debating chamber with Pope John Paul, both sat down facing each other, their faces masks of contemplation. After a short interval John Paul raised 3 fingers, Mohammed quickly raised a single finger, John Paul was shocked. After a short break the Pope raised a hand and rotated it in a circle in the air; Mohammed looked aghast and pointed to the earth. The pope again looked shocked. After a long interval the Pope pulled out an communion wine and wafers, Mohammed reached behind himself and pulled out an apple, carefully placing it on the floor near the wafers. John Paul stood up and in a loud voice announced that the Jews may stay in the Vatican, then left the room.

Later on Pope John Paul was asked to explain what happened byCNN news, the Pope said: "Firstly I held up three fingers to indicate the holy trinity, the father the son and the holy ghost. He held up one finger to indicate the one God who binds our Religions. I then indicated that God is all around us, he retorted by stating that God is also in the Earth itself, of course I was shocked at how good a rebuttal this was. Finally I brought out the communion wafers and wine to show how sins can be absolved, his apple showed the original sin that cannot be absolved. In short he masterfully showed me the error of my ways, truly he is a great man."

Mohammed was also interviewed, "Well first the Pope says that we have 3 days to leave, I stared at him, held up my finger and said that I for one was not going to leave! Then he says that they will disperse the Jews all around leaving us with no homeland, I pointed to the ground telling him that I for one was not leaving this spot! Then he pulled out his lunch so I pulled out mine."

biznatch · 10-14-2005, 12:56 AM

^
hehehehehehe...Freakin' Sweet
/[Peter Griffin's voice]

loganmule · 10-18-2005, 11:27 PM

great stuff, offensive though it these may be

Xerxys · 08-28-2009, 01:24 PM

loling at these jokes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JStrider

why would jesus have made a great pornstar?

He was hung like this *holds hands up like being crucified/showing a size*

ROFL!

Crack · 09-22-2009, 12:35 AM

Guy goes into sex shop and asks for an inflatable doll. Assistant asks him whether he wants a Christian one or a Muslim one. Customer asks what's the difference. Assistant explains that you need a pump for the Christian doll, but the Muslim one blows itself up.

Jesus and God are sitting in a room discussing an important issue. Somebody knocks on the door. Jesus opens and see's Allah. Jesus turns to God and asks "Father, did you order a shawarma? (google it)

Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity!

timzxc08 · 11-03-2009, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guthmund

I didn't want to slap this in my little tirade...

CSfilm: By the way this is brilliant.

I couldn't find a whole lot of jokes that could translate well to the non-Buddhists, but here's a few all in the interest of fairness, I suppose.

Q: Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners?
A: Because they have no attachments.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they are the light bulb.

Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Tree falling in the forest.

While in New York Buddha purchased a copy of the New York Times from a street vendor with a $10 dollar bill, when Buddha asked for his change the vendor looked with a smile and said, "Ah, change must come from within...

Never let it be said that I'm not an equal-opportunity offender.

Hahaha, equal-opportunity offender! That's great. I wanna play too.

What do you call a muslim that owns a camel and a goat?

A Bisexual

Jesus Christ walks into an motel, hands the Innkeeper 3 nails and says.....
'can you put me up for the night?'

What do Tehran and Nagasaki have in common?
Nothing yet!

Vigilante · 11-04-2009, 02:10 AM

This one had me laughing...

These nearly killed me

10-13-2005, 11:24 AM	#41 (permalink)
AngelicVampire Insane	A long one, not Jesus but still probably offensive. During the reign of John Paul II it was decided that all Jews should be removed from Vatican City. After praying to God John Paul decided that simply evicting the Jews was unfair and that he should debate with an average Jew, if the Jew could best him in a theological discussion he would allow them to stay. Knowing that it would be seen as unfair if the Pope debated a simple Jew John Paul decided to make the contest fair by allowing both parties to only use hand signals. Mohammed the Jew entered the debating chamber with Pope John Paul, both sat down facing each other, their faces masks of contemplation. After a short interval John Paul raised 3 fingers, Mohammed quickly raised a single finger, John Paul was shocked. After a short break the Pope raised a hand and rotated it in a circle in the air; Mohammed looked aghast and pointed to the earth. The pope again looked shocked. After a long interval the Pope pulled out an communion wine and wafers, Mohammed reached behind himself and pulled out an apple, carefully placing it on the floor near the wafers. John Paul stood up and in a loud voice announced that the Jews may stay in the Vatican, then left the room. Later on Pope John Paul was asked to explain what happened byCNN news, the Pope said: "Firstly I held up three fingers to indicate the holy trinity, the father the son and the holy ghost. He held up one finger to indicate the one God who binds our Religions. I then indicated that God is all around us, he retorted by stating that God is also in the Earth itself, of course I was shocked at how good a rebuttal this was. Finally I brought out the communion wafers and wine to show how sins can be absolved, his apple showed the original sin that cannot be absolved. In short he masterfully showed me the error of my ways, truly he is a great man." Mohammed was also interviewed, "Well first the Pope says that we have 3 days to leave, I stared at him, held up my finger and said that I for one was not going to leave! Then he says that they will disperse the Jews all around leaving us with no homeland, I pointed to the ground telling him that I for one was not leaving this spot! Then he pulled out his lunch so I pulled out mine." __________________ Never attribute to malice what can be explained by ignorance.

09-22-2009, 12:35 AM	#45 (permalink)
Crack Misanthropic Location: Ohio! yay! Blog Entries: 9	Guy goes into sex shop and asks for an inflatable doll. Assistant asks him whether he wants a Christian one or a Muslim one. Customer asks what's the difference. Assistant explains that you need a pump for the Christian doll, but the Muslim one blows itself up. Jesus and God are sitting in a room discussing an important issue. Somebody knocks on the door. Jesus opens and see's Allah. Jesus turns to God and asks "Father, did you order a shawarma? (google it) Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity! __________________ Crack, you and I are long overdue for a vicious bout of mansex. ~Halx

11-04-2009, 02:10 AM	#47 (permalink)
Vigilante Broken Arrow Location: US Blog Entries: 4	This one had me laughing... These nearly killed me __________________ Stultorum infinitus est numerus True patriotism is more closely linked to dissent than it is to conformity and a blind desire for safety and security.

10-14-2005, 12:56 AM	#42 (permalink)
biznatch Junkie Location: NY Blog Entries: 1	^ hehehehehehe...Freakin' Sweet /[Peter Griffin's voice]

10-18-2005, 11:27 PM	#43 (permalink)
loganmule Junkie Location: midwest	great stuff, offensive though it these may be