Miss Mango

I would think it a bad thing if a parent didnt allow this. Not only does it enforce the idea of gender roles (which I dont agree with) but also suggests that there is something wrong with it. Which there isnt - be it just dress up which for most it probably is, or an expression of something less frivolous and passing. I actually know a (straight) guy who sometimes wears skirt type ensembles out and about. He doesnt consider himself a transvestite but simply looks at clothes above gender specificities and simply wears what he likes the look of/is comfortable. An eccentric view but I think a valid one.

What are your thoughts?

Jinn

Before 6? Yes.
After 6? No.

I support generic gender roles like "what clothing is appropriate for a man and a woman." I don't support gender roles like "women clean and cook."

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Awareness without action is worthless, and failure is not an accident.

Willravel

Let him do it but explain that there might be social consequences.

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Ustwo

I think your friend is an attention whore, or just not telling you the whole truth.

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Willravel

Cross-dressing can happen with heterosexual men separate from fetishism and "attention whoring". Assuming motives for cross-dressing without careful psychoanalysis is irresponsible.

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canuckguy

I'll bite, how?



As for the OP, i am not sure how i would handle this situation. Depends on what the kid wants to wear i guess. A pink shirt from his sisters closet, no probs....her 1 piece bathing suit? mmmm not so sure.

Willravel

One reason is rooted in gender confusion in heterosexual men. Another reason is that it's taboo. There are numerous reasons.

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sapiens

I agree that assuming motives without even knowing the person is unwise, but careful psychoanalysis? Seems like an oxymoron to me. Show me the benefit of psychoanalysis and I may reconsider. (Note: Psychoanalysis is not the same as psychotherapy).

Regarding the OP: How I would handle it would depend on the age of the child.

__________________
You can't go against nature
Because when you do
Go against nature
It's part of nature too.
- Love and Rockets

abaya

My friend has a 5 year old son who has preferred to wear girls' clothing (and I mean, the full on princess-type dresses, Snow White and all) since he was old enough to have personality, apparently. Before age 3, that's for sure. And he doesn't show any signs of slowing down or changing that preference anytime soon. He's an extremely confident kid and doesn't seem to care what anyone else thinks of him... it's actually pretty cool to watch. I know it would be hard to resist imposing social rules of what men/women should wear on a kid, but I'd like to think that I would encourage my son/daughter to dress however they want, for as long as they want (in terms of gender "style," I don't mean dressing like that girl in the nasty prom dress from the other thread!).

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

SSJTWIZTA

thats a tough one. if you tell him no and scold him could it cause some confusion? would he be able to understand why? Maybe hes just using his youthful imagination and fucking around. i remember when i was younger i walked around in high heels once or twice because i thought it was goofy and wanted to know "hey, whats the deal with these things"

i dont really know, im not qualified for shit like this.

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First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

Bear Cub

I say ask the kid.

If its for dress up/pretend, then sure. If its because he likes it, well, my kid isn't wearing any tutu in his lifetime short of pulling a Van Wilder.

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Willravel

If you're looking for modern applied psychoanalysis read Spotnitz.

And yes, I meant psychotherapy. This is what happens when you take a career that doesn't involve your field of study.

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Charlatan

My son played dress up with he was two or three and he'd wear dresses. He's 13 now and wouldn't be caught dead in a dress. That said, a group of girls put nail polish on him recently and he's still wearing that (although it's quite chipped).

Since coming here, I wear a sarong quite a bit. It keeps me cool.

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Ustwo

My guess is that most parents who do the 'my child can make up his own mind on this' at an early age are the ones who's kids will be pretty useless and posting about how their life sucks somehow on a future TFP.

I know 4 kids a bit younger or my age raised this way by 2 different sets of parents.

3 of them are children of a multi-millionaire, the other is the child of perhaps the most brilliant and hard working man I've met.

The 3 are all barely working, sponging off dad as best they can get, and the one works as a DJ, completely sleeved tatoo wise, at 36. All are nice guys but won't amount to anything. And before someone gets on the 'amounts to anything' band wagon, when you have a lot of potential (all of them are quite intelligent) but no motivation, no discipline, no drive beyond what feels good, it sad to see such a man stumble through life, and I blame the parents in both cases.

There are fights to fight but fighting society on male/female clothing is a pretty stupid one.

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Charlatan

There are fights to fight but this is not one of them. I'd rather save it for more important things... and I have.

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“I like paying taxes. With them I buy civilization.” - Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes

match000

Ok, as expected of spoiled children. To be honest, I am kind of spoiled myself but I do work hard.

So what happened to the kid of the hard working parent?

sapiens

I'm familiar with modern psychoanalysis. I have not seen any convincing evidence that it is remotely as effective as cognitive behavioral therapy (or any other therapy for that matter) in the treatment of any psychological disorders.

I'm not sure what to make of your 3 examples. It seems likely that there are other issues besides the 'my child can make up his own mind on this' issue that you cite. I'm also not convinced that your examples relate to the cross-dressing question.

__________________
You can't go against nature
Because when you do
Go against nature
It's part of nature too.
- Love and Rockets

RetroGunslinger

As up for cross-dressing as I am (the link in my signature actually leads to a picture of such a happening), I've read too many serial killer biographies that start with that bullshit. No dresses, no make-up, and no hanging out with mommy for more than three hours a day.

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It's a rare pleasure in this world to get your mind fucked. Usually it's just foreplay.

The best porn is gun porn.

It's only rape if the bitch lives.

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Ustwo

Hes the 36 year old DJ, completely sleeved, dropped out of college.

His dad did the 'as long as they are good people' child rearing method, and he is a good guy, but completely useless beyond that.

He was never spoiled with wealth, his father was not rich, but spoiling isn't really about money.

It was 4 examples, I wasn't clear.

It relates to letting your kids do what they want to do because they want to at an early age. This is assuming the kids are not transgendered. Thats what I see as the real question here.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

dlish

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Willravel

It wouldn't be really Freudian anymore, but quite honestly I'm surprised that you're not familiar with psychoanalyses being used. A good friend of mine who's getting his masters was explaining something called "emotion focus therapy" to me the other day. It's really deep stuff, and he's seen that it helps with repressed emotion in many individuals.

It's not as common simply because it takes a lot longer and it's a lot more intense than it's cognitive counterpart. You don't see insurance covering it, so it's not considered common, but it's certainly there.

Just out of curiosity, what field do you work in?

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Punk.of.Ages

Sounds like a guy that does what he wants to in life. Noble pursuit in a society that mostly consists of people who believe unless you went to college, wear a suit, and hate your job you're a useless loser.

More on the subject; any child I raise will do what they want as far as self expression goes. I didn't get any freedom when I was a child, and to this day I think it was wrong. I will not lay the same upon my child.

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"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Ustwo

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

Punk.of.Ages

I'm not fat, stupid, nor drunk (at the moment.)

I never went to college, and I'm quite successful.

I also used to wear skirts as a teenager.

__________________
"The fact is that censorship always defeats its own purpose, for it creates, in the end, the kind of society that is incapable of exercising real discretion..." - Henry Steel Commager

"Punk rock music is great music played by really bad, drunk musicians." -Fat Mike

Ustwo

You are also a kid, give it 14 years and call me back.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.