encountering a flirt - Tilted Forum Project - TFP - Sexuality, Philosophy and Political Discussion

InTransition951 · 09-19-2008, 05:06 PM

hello

its been awhile since my last post but i guess having some options will help me sleep better.

well, heres the situation

i just recently went to my friends 21st b day party where i got to meet all of his friends and played some songs with him on his drums and me on the 6 string. after the short little gig, there was this girl that i met there that seemed to catch my eye and after a few mins later, we were having a conversation while we were all eating. we eventually were all taking pictures of each other doing random things where i loosened up a bit more and we were all acting like weve known each other for years. before i left to go home, i got her number and went home thinking about the night. i even looked at the pictures and shes all touching me more than the other guys at the party from hitting to constant hugging.

i really like her in both looks and persona and unfortunately im that type of person who is the "nice guy" who never does any one night stands. i asked about her one day and i hear that she is the type of girl who flirts with other guys even though she already has a boyfriend. i also heard that she led my friend on and that my other friend hates her for that. and i do not know why this did not bother me much but she was even all touchy with a couple of the other guys there that she already knew.

ive never really encountered a flirt before and im getting that stupid feeling that im being played. should i just leave this feeling alone and just live on life? or should i just stay on the rebound? or even just call to hang out

lotsofmagnets · 09-19-2008, 06:24 PM

flirt back. then find someone even hotter

punkmusicfan21 · 09-19-2008, 06:29 PM

You're about to encounter another flirt right now... handsome?

Yeah, we suck. It's sort of selfish on our part but I will be honest that for me, and most people I know like that, that it is a completely an act of sub-conscious. It's just a personality thing. I love flirting, it mostly is because I'm a joker and I have no real comfort zone so I can joke about anything. I hit on everyone, mostly girls (I'm straight) but I joke with other guys verbally. It's just a personality trait.

I've felt like you before though; in fact not so recently. I met another me. She's a student in my class, she was going through a rough time with her boyfriend, and my best friend and I helped her through it. She broke up with him, I liked her a lot, seemed like she liked me a lot too, but she ended up "hooking up" (I hate that term; I use it for the lack of a better one) with my pal after I had fallen asleep.

Now, I didn't take it personally, but because I'm in a new city I kind of freaked, felt left out, didn't want to lose two cool people too each other and then I thought. Am I an idiot?

Either way man, if your friends, does it matter? Ask yourself that. If it does, then leave it be; it's not worth it. But, if you can forget about her that way, put your ego aside, and be her pal, then sweet.

Oh, and she might be the bad type. The type that uses guys to make them feel better about themselves. If she is that kind, then say fuck it. It isn't worth being used.

curiousbear · 09-19-2008, 11:53 PM

I always walked away from flirts
It was too late when i picked up interest to flirt
So I really dont know what to tell you

RetroGunslinger · 09-20-2008, 12:02 AM

I know that type of girl. The way I see it, there are two very simple answers: flirt back or ignore her. Easy. If what you've heard is true, you're not going to get anywhere anyway. So, have fun and practice your "skillz" so the next time you encounter someone who you could actually get with (whether that be a quick encounter or a long-lasting thingamajig) you're ready, or just ignore it and keep her in your circle of friends or forget her altogether.

Simplicity in a paper bag, really.

Martian · 09-20-2008, 12:09 AM

You're overthinking. 'Sokay, I do it all the time.

Flirting is fun and mostly harmless. I guarantee you she's not thinking about this; she may not even realize she was flirting with you.

Like punkmusicfan21, I can be a bit of a flirt. Unlike him, I usually know I'm doing it. I just don't think it's that big a deal. Now that I'm spoken for, I've dialed it back pretty much to zero, but when I was single it was pretty constant. Unless or until something actually develops, it's completely meaningless.

If you like the girl, hang out with the girl. Call her and invite her out for coffee or whatever it is you kids do these days. If you get your mack on, great. I'm happy for you. If not, what the hell's wrong with making a new friend?

InTransition951 · 09-20-2008, 01:25 AM

hmmmm

im already thinking of just getting to know her better. sux shes already going out but hey, theres always the rebound. im just gonna get to her through my friend since she and him are like good friends from high school.

im hearing that shes talking about me too. oh well, ill see how it goes. be more of an asshole this time rather than the nice guy again lol.

anywways, appreciate the replies tho. ill keep it in mind.

jewels · 09-20-2008, 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InTransition951

i really like her in both looks and persona and unfortunately im that type of person who is the "nice guy" who never does any one night stands. i asked about her one day and i hear that she is the type of girl who flirts with other guys even though she already has a boyfriend.

Some of us are just flirty by nature and nothing will change that. Doesn't mean we're leading anyone on and if someone takes it that way, that's their personal issue.

Why overthink it and wonder "what if"? Men tend to gossip worse than women, so talk to the girl in question. Let her know you had fun with her, ask her if she does have a boyfriend and then the boundaries of your friendship will be clear.

dlish · 09-20-2008, 06:09 AM

jewels is right

just ask her out..

just say id like to take you out if you dont have a boyfriend.

its either yes or no. at least you will know where you both stand.

Stick · 09-20-2008, 06:44 AM

Talking to her is the only way to find out about her.
Do it now.

InTransition951 · 09-22-2008, 02:35 AM

you know

i did try at this just today. but it was so hard to direct to the subject that i ended up talking about something else. yeah, im pretty lame at this

i found it hard cause she was talking about her bf a lot and that my friend was looking out for her for her bf

maybe im just scared of taking risks cause ive been hurt like this before. maybe im just scared of losing a friendship cause something like this happened to me in high school.

what should in do? im pretty much thoughtless atm. maybe im just overthinking again

jewels · 09-22-2008, 04:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by InTransition951

i found it hard cause she was talking about her bf a lot and that my friend was looking out for her for her bf

(snip) maybe im just overthinking again

If she's talking incessantly about her boyfriend, then she's probably trying to give you a clue.

Sounds cut and dry to me, at this point, but next time she mentions the boyfriend, that might be your opportunity to say "Oh, so it's really serious then?" or somesuch, just to find a way to get her out of your head.

Then I'd move on. You're just a friend to her.

09-19-2008, 05:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
InTransition951 Upright Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Northern CA	encountering a flirt hello its been awhile since my last post but i guess having some options will help me sleep better. well, heres the situation i just recently went to my friends 21st b day party where i got to meet all of his friends and played some songs with him on his drums and me on the 6 string. after the short little gig, there was this girl that i met there that seemed to catch my eye and after a few mins later, we were having a conversation while we were all eating. we eventually were all taking pictures of each other doing random things where i loosened up a bit more and we were all acting like weve known each other for years. before i left to go home, i got her number and went home thinking about the night. i even looked at the pictures and shes all touching me more than the other guys at the party from hitting to constant hugging. i really like her in both looks and persona and unfortunately im that type of person who is the "nice guy" who never does any one night stands. i asked about her one day and i hear that she is the type of girl who flirts with other guys even though she already has a boyfriend. i also heard that she led my friend on and that my other friend hates her for that. and i do not know why this did not bother me much but she was even all touchy with a couple of the other guys there that she already knew. ive never really encountered a flirt before and im getting that stupid feeling that im being played. should i just leave this feeling alone and just live on life? or should i just stay on the rebound? or even just call to hang out __________________ looking young can be fun at times in some situations. but many older people do not take you so seriously.

09-19-2008, 06:24 PM	#2 (permalink)
lotsofmagnets Upright Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: reykjavík, iceland	flirt back. then find someone even hotter __________________ mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor. she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron. physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

09-19-2008, 06:29 PM	#3 (permalink)
punkmusicfan21 watching the world spin forward Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: T.O. Bound	You're about to encounter another flirt right now... handsome? Yeah, we suck. It's sort of selfish on our part but I will be honest that for me, and most people I know like that, that it is a completely an act of sub-conscious. It's just a personality thing. I love flirting, it mostly is because I'm a joker and I have no real comfort zone so I can joke about anything. I hit on everyone, mostly girls (I'm straight) but I joke with other guys verbally. It's just a personality trait. I've felt like you before though; in fact not so recently. I met another me. She's a student in my class, she was going through a rough time with her boyfriend, and my best friend and I helped her through it. She broke up with him, I liked her a lot, seemed like she liked me a lot too, but she ended up "hooking up" (I hate that term; I use it for the lack of a better one) with my pal after I had fallen asleep. Now, I didn't take it personally, but because I'm in a new city I kind of freaked, felt left out, didn't want to lose two cool people too each other and then I thought. Am I an idiot? Either way man, if your friends, does it matter? Ask yourself that. If it does, then leave it be; it's not worth it. But, if you can forget about her that way, put your ego aside, and be her pal, then sweet. Oh, and she might be the bad type. The type that uses guys to make them feel better about themselves. If she is that kind, then say fuck it. It isn't worth being used. __________________ "So many years my heart has waited, and who'd of thought that love could be so caffeinated" - Taylor The Latte Boy (as sung to me by every person who ever order coffee from me)

09-20-2008, 12:02 AM	#5 (permalink)
RetroGunslinger eats puppies and shits rainbows Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: An Area of Space Occupied by a Population, SC, USA	I know that type of girl. The way I see it, there are two very simple answers: flirt back or ignore her. Easy. If what you've heard is true, you're not going to get anywhere anyway. So, have fun and practice your "skillz" so the next time you encounter someone who you could actually get with (whether that be a quick encounter or a long-lasting thingamajig) you're ready, or just ignore it and keep her in your circle of friends or forget her altogether. Simplicity in a paper bag, really. __________________ To summarize: It's a rare pleasure in this world to get your mind fucked. Usually it's just foreplay. The best porn is gun porn. It's only rape if the bitch lives. Suffer For Your Art

09-20-2008, 12:09 AM	#6 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Canada	You're overthinking. 'Sokay, I do it all the time. Flirting is fun and mostly harmless. I guarantee you she's not thinking about this; she may not even realize she was flirting with you. Like punkmusicfan21, I can be a bit of a flirt. Unlike him, I usually know I'm doing it. I just don't think it's that big a deal. Now that I'm spoken for, I've dialed it back pretty much to zero, but when I was single it was pretty constant. Unless or until something actually develops, it's completely meaningless. If you like the girl, hang out with the girl. Call her and invite her out for coffee or whatever it is you kids do these days. If you get your mack on, great. I'm happy for you. If not, what the hell's wrong with making a new friend? __________________ Some will win, some will lose Some were born to sing the blues Oh, the movie never ends It goes on and on and on and on - Journey, Don't Stop Believein'

09-19-2008, 11:53 PM	#4 (permalink)
curiousbear Insane Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: WA	I always walked away from flirts It was too late when i picked up interest to flirt So I really dont know what to tell you

09-20-2008, 01:25 AM	#7 (permalink)
InTransition951 Upright Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Northern CA	hmmmm im already thinking of just getting to know her better. sux shes already going out but hey, theres always the rebound. im just gonna get to her through my friend since she and him are like good friends from high school. im hearing that shes talking about me too. oh well, ill see how it goes. be more of an asshole this time rather than the nice guy again lol. anywways, appreciate the replies tho. ill keep it in mind. __________________ looking young can be fun at times in some situations. but many older people do not take you so seriously.

09-20-2008, 06:09 AM	#9 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Moderator Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Australia/UAE	jewels is right just ask her out.. just say id like to take you out if you dont have a boyfriend. its either yes or no. at least you will know where you both stand. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere "Romance is never having to apologize for getting it in her hair" - World's King

09-20-2008, 06:44 AM	#10 (permalink)
Stick Psycho Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Sydney, Australia	Talking to her is the only way to find out about her. Do it now. __________________ ominous adj. Menacing; threatening. Of or being an omen, especially an evil one.

09-22-2008, 02:35 AM	#11 (permalink)
InTransition951 Upright Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Northern CA	you know i did try at this just today. but it was so hard to direct to the subject that i ended up talking about something else. yeah, im pretty lame at this i found it hard cause she was talking about her bf a lot and that my friend was looking out for her for her bf maybe im just scared of taking risks cause ive been hurt like this before. maybe im just scared of losing a friendship cause something like this happened to me in high school. what should in do? im pretty much thoughtless atm. maybe im just overthinking again __________________ looking young can be fun at times in some situations. but many older people do not take you so seriously.