Halx

Write a couple paragraphs about what somebody would notice or feel if they had to live a day in your shoes. This is your chance to help people see the world through your eyes. I'll begin.

First of all, I live mostly inside my head. While I move around the world, I am focused inwardly. Some call it narcissism, but it is actually just being overly self-conscious. Instead of feeling "there" where ever I am, I actually feel like an invisible observer. Even if I were to dress up nicely, I equate it to driving around in the nice car... people are looking at the car and not the person inside it.

Next comes self-expectations. Growing up and being complimented on how bright I was every step of the way, I replay in my head a list of things that I expected out of myself by my age (26 in a week). Why don't I own a successful business? Why am I not rich? Why am I not smart anymore? Why, after all this time, am I only where I am? These are the thoughts that drive me, actually.

As you might imagine, I put myself under a lot of personal stress. I am the king of burnout in that respect. All the energy I put into my thoughts leaves very little for me to actually participate in real activity. I'm lazy and disorganized... sloppy at times. I find little time to care about things unless they will help me with my obsession of meeting my own expectations.

Hmm. Being a little too stark. I hope whoever goes next is a little more positive about themselves.

__________________
- Hal(x)
"But suppose everybody on our side felt that way."
"Then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way. Wouldn't I?"
[Read Me]

Poppinjay

Who would boast themselves as a really great person? Even Superman has had his doubts. And then there's kryptonite.

What it's like to be me. Low tolerance for those not like me, too self indulgent, doesn't work up to potential, kind of idling until the right thing comes along.

I don't take compliments well, I don't act out of kindness often enough. I observe everything. That's what I do more than anything. I'd make a decent anthropoligist.

I think it was Franklin Pierce who was said to be neither a leader or follower, just a quiet presence. He was a terrible president, and that's why I'm not asking for your vote November 4th.

According to tests, I'm bright, with language skills in the top 3%. Also an INTJ.

__________________
I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

skizziks

People see me as gregarious and extroverted and really happy. This is overcompensation for loneliness and a feeling of not fitting in. I attract people with problems, they come to me because I appear strong and like I know what I'm doing and like I have my shit together. While I'm not a basket case, and I am pretty damn funny and creative, I'm also pretty lonely. I'm the guy at the party everyone likes to talk to, I fit in with all the different cliques, and then when the party is over and everyone leaves, I'm alone. They all think I'm with another group or I went to another party.

Sorry I wasn't positive about myself, I know me, I'm not impressed.

Spartanx9

Hm for me its kinda interesting.

I got friends who have told me that I'm a true friend. I guess that is cause friends tend to mean a whole lot to me, a lot more than my family (huge history thing that I rather not share in the open. Hopefully it will change if I get married). They are more of my family than my family is, and whether it is just messing around with them, gaming, or if they are in the shit and need to just vent, I'm most of the time there for them.

Of course, I do have my own share of problems, I'm not what everyone thinks of me. I'm not some genius with computers or such, I'm just an average college kid with some slight memory and awareness problems, with a moderate tech knowledge.

I tend to focus on other people's lives cause I don't usually find mine to be all that fascinating. I guess its what makes me a good listener, cause I always enjoy to know where people have been and what their life has been like. Because I'm so interested, I tend to not judge anyone, cause it isn't fair from my perspective to go on about how one's life has been, either good or bad, and then make a judgment about them. Its always been who they are now rather than who they were to me.

onesnowyowl

My days consist of long lazy moments interspersed with flurries of activity. I like to jam as much of the unpleasant "doing" into as little time as possible so I can sit back and enjoy browsing the Internet, writing, or reading a book with a clear conscience. Unpleasant doing would be chores, laundry, errands I don't want to do, things of that ilk.

I like to go out alone. I like people watching. I "compose my own critical notices in my head", as Jarvis Cocker would say, while I'm out and about. I also like putting on my iPod and imagining music videos or stories to go along with the music. I often sit still and run off hand in hand with my imagination.

Generally, it's pleasant to be me. But it's also anxiety inducing. I am a very anxious person. I come across as very self-assured and confident, but it's all an act. People laugh at me when I tell them this, but it's true--I am incredibly shy on the inside. Even my best friend doesn't believe me. My SO does, because he's seen me anxious and self-doubting. The worst of the social anxiety happens after the gatherings, where I play back over what happened, over and over, and dwell on the tiniest of mistakes I might have made, until my stomach hurts. I've managed to get this under control within the last year or so.

I seem like I've got my shit together, but inside it's all a jumble. It's okay. I'm dealing with it. And that leads me to another point. I don't like to be too busy. When I'm too busy, working too much, doing too much, life starts to seem like a pointless march of one foot in front of the other. I am avoiding that march. So far I have been successful.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

lotsofmagnets

i can´t answer this really in any other way than a direct answer to the question: sometimes shit, sometimes fucken´ awesome i guess you just had to be there

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

Willravel

A nice way to do this might be to start with a summarization of my day.

Up by 6 and at the gym by 6:15. Exercising is a zen activity for me. It's about centering myself, bringing the day in to focus. I usually get home by 7:45ish and do a quick rinse shower. I don't like using soap in the morning because I tend to have dry skin. I usually make my bed and straighten things up as I get dried off and dressed. I even sneak in a peak at TFP when I get the chance. I try to get the kettle going by 8:15 so I can have hot tea by 8:25. As the water heats up, I generally just toss nuts and fruit on a plate. I used to eat oatmeal, but I find it's a lot nicer just to pick on the spot what I feel like eating. This morning it was surprisingly fresh concord grapes, an orange, some bran crackers and some jack cheese. I turn on the news and various blogs and chow down. I brush, put some schmutz in my hair and put Jack in the back yard with some food, water, and a toy. Ch'i usually comes over to play with Jack, and I've also got neighbor kids that regularly wander into my back yard, too (though they're back in school now).

If I have time, I jump on the light rail to get to work. If I don't have time, I just jump in the car.

Work is straight forward. My position has shifted from "maverick" to more manager now, which means I'm responsible for all day to day planning as well as longer strategies. I'm fortunate in that in my work no two days are alike. I work with some very talented and capable people, and I enjoy earning their respect. Work has always been something I work to be proud of. I want what I do to help, and I want to do a good job at it.

I generally get home at around 2, as most of my job after 2 is on the phone or skype. Some times I will be on personal or professional errands. I have to check in with suppliers several times a month.

In the evening, I like to have friends/family over. I've been looking after my grandmother, who's just had surgery. She's still surprisingly lively for an octogenarian. I think I've finally convinced her that John McCain is nuts, which is quite an accomplishment.

I jump back and fourth between humble and narcissistic. Like Halx, I live inside my head a great deal. The person I talk to the most is me. I also have a really big self-sacrificing streak, which stems from self esteem issues that came from my eating disorder. My eating disorder surprisingly defines some of who I am. My exercise, my diet, and of my personal security come from my constant battle with an unhealthy relationship with food and self image.

I also have an odd relationship with my inner serial monogamist. I was extremely promiscuous from a young age until my engagement. When my relationship with her fell apart, mostly due to her wanting to try and make it work with the biological father of her daughter, I really had to step back and figure out what I wanted. It may have even seeded some trust issues deep inside my head. My relationships since then have not been bad, but I've not had the spark since then. Knowing the spark and losing it is immeasurably difficult to deal with.

Oh, and I love reading and listening to music.

Halx

So what you're saying is that you're a conglomeration of your rituals?

__________________
- Hal(x)
"But suppose everybody on our side felt that way."
"Then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way. Wouldn't I?"
[Read Me]

Willravel

Not just my rituals, but it's a part of me, yes.

abaya

Mostly confident
Spoiling for a fight--drawn to confrontation
Always critical
Attempts to empathize
Longing for the outdoors
Used to being solitary (but not always liking it)
Looking for any reason to escape unpleasant tasks
Desire to be challenged, and to pass with flying colors
Insatiable curiosity about other people's decisions and thought processes
Longing for belief in something greater than myself
Intense and intentional--all or nothing
Extremely stressed by speaking my 2nd and 3rd languages (especially on the phone)
Anxious at gatherings of more than 2-3 people
Nervous around children
Addicted to the internet
Daily need for cuddling and laughter and in-depth discussion
I can take a nap anywhere, anytime
Crave falling asleep with a novel in my hands
Always look forward to being with my husband

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

guccilvr

most people couldn't handle the extreme awesomeness of my life.

__________________
It's no good trying to place your hand where I can't see because I understand you're different than me ~Syd Barrett


Have a question about TFP in General? CLICK THIS

Halx

Try us..

__________________
- Hal(x)
"But suppose everybody on our side felt that way."
"Then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way. Wouldn't I?"
[Read Me]

guccilvr

I guess I forgot to put the sarcasm title in my post..

__________________
It's no good trying to place your hand where I can't see because I understand you're different than me ~Syd Barrett


Have a question about TFP in General? CLICK THIS

lotsofmagnets

i saw will´s post the other way around, that his rituals simply were the outward symbol of his self.

__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?

Halx

I think what you forgot was to actually post.

__________________
- Hal(x)
"But suppose everybody on our side felt that way."
"Then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way. Wouldn't I?"
[Read Me]

Willravel

Oh, I like that!

Meditrina

Another post that I am compelled to reply to. I stressed over what to write, what I wanted everyone to see... the rest will be in my journal.

If someone were to live a day in my shoes, with my thoughts, they would see that everything I do is for my family. I wake up early, and get myself ready before they are awake, so that I can be able to help them get ready for the day. I work so I can provide them the necessities of life and more. After work, I am all theirs again. Helping with homework, cooking/cleaning up dinner, playing with them until bedtime. Even at bedtime, I am still there for them. Helping them both feel comfortable enough to fall asleep without me in the room takes a lot of out of me, and then I am done for the day. Small amount of time for me before crashing for the night. I don't sleep through the night, for one reason or another, then it's morning time and time to start it all over again.

__________________
"Each of us shines in a different way, but this doesn't make our light less bright" - author unknown

mixedsubstance

I am very friendly, I tend to be shy at first, but once you get to know me I can be a fireball. And I can turn into a bitch in no time flat if you rub me the wrong way. I am a mom, so that tends to show in my personality. My son is my #1 priority, so it's hard not to have that Mom mentality or to not have him on my mind. I'm a low-key person, I like to have fun and get stir-crazy really quickly, but I put responsibility first. Some can see me as uptight, but a lot of people I know are younger than me and don't have kids, so it's hard for them to see where I'm coming from. I LOVE laughing and sarcasm, but if you start talking Philosophy/Spirituality, my ears and voice are eagar to pitch in. I am a definite dreamer, but I don't make quick irrational decisions, I have to think of all the possibilities, other options, and any consequences before taking step forward. The only time I can be impulsive is when I shop- but even at that, I tend to procrastinate.

__________________
Well, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?!?

curiousbear

It totally depends who that someone is. I have a beautiful wife, amazing career, interesting job, sophisticated home, a car, handful of freinds/family whom I can trust 100%. So someone who knows the value of all these or dont have these will definitely find my life to be fantastic.

But if that someone knows what a life is to live, with self-esteem, dignity, respect, self-gratitude, hope, ambitions and passion. he will be miserable. Because I suffer from lack of all this.

I eat very good food. I exercise less frequent. I dont sleep that well. I get lot of disturbing dreams. I fuss a lot. I make my better-half feel so bad at times. I am so fragile and delicate and erratic. I am not predictable.

But in spite of all of it I am dependable, trustworthy and easy to support (needs are few, dont demand to much).

Sorry I am not sure whether I answered...

World's King

You remember that scene in 'Scanners' when that dude's head explodes...


It's kind of like that.



What is it like to be me? It's a series of ups and downs. Mostly forgotten about. Strange thoughts drown in a mix of cigarettes and alcohol. Driven to get out of bed in the morning by a passion for good food and female flesh. Which are one in the same.

I'll get back to you on this...

__________________
Stacks on deck. Patron on ice.
We can pop bottles all night
Baby you can have whatever you like
I said you can have whatever you like.

Supple Cow

I try to do a lot with very little. My apartment is cozy, but spartan when it comes to comforts. My walls and most flat surfaces serve as shrines to the people and things I love (including myself), but they double as places where my stuff (like mail and schoolwork and magazines articles waiting to be mailed to friends) sometimes piles up until I have more time to cull thoughtfully. More comfort-driven people would find my apartment (and my life) very hard and confusing. They might not understand the things I choose to keep or spend my money on versus the other things that are more typical, which I forego. For example, I bought myself a dangerous, difficult-to-ride $300 bike in April, blowing almost half a month's rent, but when my front porch bulb went out several months ago I decided it was fine to come home to a dark porch. (I finally changed the bulb on Saturday so that we could grill outside for my birthday party.) I almost never go to the movies because I don't care about things I don't know I missed and I don't have cable television to tell me what I'm missing. But I bought a snowboard that leans against one of the few open spaces on my walls for most of the year. I rode it twice this year and will probably do no more next year. It is worth it; movies and television are not.

I'm also very extreme in my thoughts and feelings, but not in the way one might expect. A lot of the thoughts I keep to myself are very severe. I judge people harshly because I hold myself to high standards. But I never force my expectations on others unless they have in some way made a commitment to me or to something that affects me directly, so most people never find this out about me. At the same time, the people who do understand my severity would be surprised to see how much beauty I see in the world, from the tiniest of things to the big picture. I like to put things in perspective as often as I can afford to, and I like to feel hopeful and as if I can do anything. (This is not hard for me on most days.)

A lot of the things I find easy seem to be very hard for most other people, but I think this is because I have built up a habit of expecting things to be impossibly hard and for me to be able to do them anyway. I also have a less established habit of doing things that are hard for me, or that I'm clumsy at, not just in spite of my difficulties but because of them. I spend a lot of my energy trying to get that habit further ingrained in myself. I spend about an equal amount of energy optimizing the pace of my life. While I actively seek out challenging things, I also look for the path of least resistance so that I can do as many hard things as I can squeeze into my time here rather than waste lots of time fighting for something that really isn't worth the time compared to the dozen other things I could have accomplished in that time. Then at the end of each day, I try to forgive myself for not being perfect at that last part. I often remind myself that I'm not sorry I spent a few years of my life stubbornly spinning my wheels when I should have moved on because once upon a time there was a me who could never get past that kind of regret. It becomes truer every day, and it's part of what lets me see so much beauty in life.

I still struggle with all of the usual stuff - stress, strained relationships with family or friends, etc. - but I relish the hard times for they are every bit a part of this one-time happening that is my life as the good times are. And then I think to myself, BOO-YA. Not everybody is at peace with this kind of stuff. Way to be. (Because who else is going to pat me on the back?)

__________________
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
(Michael Jordan)

ngdawg

Up until my 40's I thought I was the fly on the wall. I went through my days, through my emotions and didn't think anyone noticed or cared. I held shit jobs, mostly in accounting, which is ironic since I can't add for shit. My only interest was being the best mom I could be.
Then, in a tourist trap city on the other side of the northern border, among hundreds of strangers gathered for the same reason, someone took notice and it literally changed my life for the better.I was taught that my fears are internal and self-defeating. I learned that I had value to not just my family but to everyone I touched, but at the same time, that value had to come from me, not from anyone else.
With their push, not just encouragement, but a major push, I went to school. I learned a lot about myself those two years. I became selfish, but, I think, in a good way.

My days are mundane, but I do what I love. I work in a casual atmosphere but everything must be first rate.
I have fantastic kids. They are talented beyond my wildest dreams, smart and kind and most important, independent thinkers.
As a teenager, I couldn't get a date if I paid for one; now I have people in my life who love me unconditionally and wholly.

What's it like to be me? If I take others' visions into consideration, I am funny, self-deprecating and defensive. I am flaky but not stupid; my mind either goes in 4 directions at once or bugs out. I am negatively narcissistic-I see the worst in my physical being and question what it is these men in my life see that I can't. I eat like a 13 year old and smoke like a chimney, yet I am overly healthy for someone my age and don't even have a gray hair on my head yet. I do what I love to do, even if it's selfish, because I am too aware that there are no second chances.
I'm a slob about my things, fastidious about my own cleanliness. I wear clothes that don't fit because I'm too cheap and hate to shop. Give me money and I'd rather spend it on gadgets than clothes.

shesus

Today is a much better place to be in me than any previous time in my life.

My life is a complete jumble of everything, but more manageable than ever. If you jumped in right now, you would not be sure what to do or where to go. It just takes a bit to get orientated. But if you have ever done double-dutch, you'd get in the groove quickly.

You would be learning to use gifts and talents that have long been unused, exercising the mind with novels and Mensa crosswords, and living an unstructured, laid back lifestyle transitioning from traditional to Bohemian.

Even though money is unstable, dreams are being followed and the path is twisting. The feeling of being in this new place is so incredible, you would wonder why you hadn't done this years before. In fact, the past, though only a couple months old, is so far removed, it is difficult to remember why that life was lived for so long. Everything you have known has changed, traditions are broken, and a new life is being formed.

Upon entering my life, you would feel loved. A love that surpasses anything you've felt before. A solid love that was gained through struggles, tears, heartbreak, and acceptance.

You would be dealing with some anxiety with a twist of peace which leaves a strange sense of being. The anxiety would be recognized, but not entertained. You understand the risks and the joys and take life as it comes. With the past behind you, you realize that things work out in the end.

Many people know your name and smile when they see you approaching. You will feel at ease and calm in your surroundings.

Overall, you would be smiling because although everything is spinning and changing, you would feel comfort as if a fuzzy, warm blanket were engulfing you.

__________________
Whatever did happen to your soul?
I heard you sold it

Happiness is not for keeping
Happiness is not my goal

dc_dux

I would have to say its pretty damn good.

Personal life at a steady high level with only minor blips now and then, family and friends who support me as much as I support them when needed, financially secure (at least as much as most in the current state of affairs). Professionally, I've achieved most, but not all. of the goals I've set and I'm rolling out a new national program this month that hopefully will benefit millions.

I still want that West Wing job...but I know its a pipe dream.

And its Ok to pat yourself on the back every now and then.

__________________
"In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. "
~ H.L. Mencken