girldetective

How does one become adult? Or put another way how does one find who they are, become aware of what they want or want to do? How does one self-actualize? I apologize for this elementary question, but I'm new and finding my way. I don't know anyone like me. I am a person who knows so little about herself that I like to be what others would have me be. I like to create what others need/want in most any way. You want to fly to Bali, I'll ensure you have a ticket. You want me to go with you for an extended time, I will quit my job. Do you want a fat girl? I will overeat. Do you want a new book? I'll ensure it is in your hands. Blind? I will read it to you. I am a life slut. I believe happiness can be achieved, but personal fulfillment has me flummoxed. How does one go about feeling fulfilled without relying on others and their happiness?

Crompsin

I've heard that a man isn't really an adult until he experiences the death of his own parents... perhaps the birth of his children.

Marriage and academics don't seem to hold as much value these days. Easily obtainable and often disposable.

*cue Lion King's "Circle of Life" tune*

Environmental hardship and life experience create more mature individuals.

Good OP. I ask myself these things all the time.

I wonder, "Is this what it is to be an adult?"

I get the feeling we all lead double lives.

__________________
C19H28O2 = C6H2(NO2)3CH3

All your base are belong to us.

Hain

We all live with some sort of mask, hiding the things we can't let people know. Some people have many masks to take on many different roles. I was something similar, not to that extent of the original poster, but I felt like I had no inner self.

When are we adult though? I really don't know. I always felt like an adult because I would think things differently than my peers. And now being "grown up" I still have that childish wonder of the world.

I guess when we are willing to live with the unforeseen consequences of our actions. Or when we accept we can live a life alone and still be happy with just ourself. Maybe when one realizes, really understands, that one is going to die- maybe not today, not tomorrow, but sometime.

One day, I threw away my masks, and kept on living. Legally I am an adult. Am I really though? ... I bet it was the first step towards it, at least.

girldetective

Crompsin (Daddy): My parents are dead; I have two children. There is probably no hope for me. I have arrived in the world after a somewhat priviledged and what some might think of as ideal situation. I did not think it was ideal because it was extremely insular. I am naive, although many people look at me with romantic envy and tell me I am virginal or just beginning and they are right, too. If I am lucky and this is an enviable position, where do I go to maximize it and what is it I want to maximize? I am a passionate person who doesn't know where to put that passion, how to best utilize it. When most of the world is new and available, and it all looks good and shiny, how does one know what to do, which direction to take, which will be most helpful, most fulfilling? It's not that I am necessarily immature, but inexperienced. How does one get experience, and how do they know what to experience? Does this make sense?

Hain

Write. Art. Poetry. Or learn languages and visit the world [on your own accord]. The more people you interact with the more ... singular [unique] but connected you realize you are.

You have a passion for experience, so experience the rest of the world and it's people.

[ Also, you have two children and you do not live for them?

Creating your own goals and seeing them through is a good measure of maturity and being adult... I guess. I realize I am too young for this discussion. ]

girldetective

Augi: I have lived for my daughters. They are in graduate school on the east coast and I have paid for their education, and raised them to be champions of the world. They are good and smart people who are world travelers that bring dimension to my world. I would like to catch up to them. Its funny because I actually do art and some of it is good and I like doing it, but I always feel somewhat like a fake or imposter when Im done. One of the problems I see is knowing what goal to create and is it genuine.

And, Im probably to old for this forum at 42.

The_Jazz

Doubtful. I'm 37. There are at least 6 other staff members that I can think of off the top of my head over 40. Our most prolific poster is in his 50's (that's a shout out to you, Bobby).

Art takes many forms. Augi can tell you about mathmatical art, since he's well versed in that. I, on the other hand, don't have an artistic bone in my body. TFP, however, serves as a creative outlet when I need one. Expressing my ideas is cathartic and serves to help me define them.

If you think you're too old for us, I feel sorry for you. I can't remember what movie it's from (Shawshank Redemption?) but you should "get busy living or get busy dieing". You get experience by doing. Go do things. Find out what makes you happy. Or don't. Solitary existence is experience too.

__________________
The proud dad of Max since 2/15/06 and Andrew since 1/9/08!

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Willravel

Old is a state of mind (says the 24 year old).

I knew I was an adult as soon as it happened. I believe that if you have a time where you say to yourself, "Ah, I'm an adult now.", then you're probably an adult.

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ɯǝɥʇ ǝʌlos uɐɔ ǝʍ ʇɐɥʇ ǝɔuɐɹouƃı ɥƃnoɹɥʇ ʇou sı ʇı 'sɯǝlqoɹd ǝʇɐǝɹɔ uɐɔ ǝƃpǝlʍouʞ ɟı

Cynthetiq

I was an adult when I took care of myself 100% and didn't have to rely on any one but my own self.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Independent, either you're an asshole or you're not.

jewels

You're already an adult. I can relate to so much of what you're saying because you've spent so much time pleasing everyone else that you're not sure what you want. The kids are grown and it's empty nest time. That means it's YOUR TIME! That's a new concept, right?

Draw, write, express yourself. Surf the web, get out to libraries, art shows, museums... think about your childhood dreams. What was it you wanted? What is it you're thinking you're too old to do?

I'm not ashamed to say that I'm older than you, and I still have 2 of my 3 girls at home (one's still in middle school). But since I will have had 28 years of raising children when the youngest turns 18, I've had lots of time to think about what I want to accomplish, what will make me feel good.

Yes, it's all about me. It's your time to shine for YOU and no one else.

Take your time. It's probably staring you in the face or somewhere in the dark recesses of your mind. Something that inspires passion, joy and fulfillment. When you find it, you'll know.

__________________
Politics is applesauce.


- Will Rogers

girldetective

Whoa, dudes! I apologize for any confusion. I don't think this has anything to do with age, nor do I think I'm too old. My response was simply smart ass to Augi who mentioned he was probably too young. But I have it now. Thank you for slamming it into me. I will never make that mistake again.

Jazz: That's right for me, too. I feel less visually artistic and more like a student. However, I am surrounded with visual artists and feel compelled to be like them rather than like me. It is simply not my field. I am excited to move on. I think my field might be exploring and learning and people. It is fun for me, entertainment as well as serious business. Since I have so much to learn and so much opportunity, but little experience, I wonder where to start. For example, I look at a college catalog and I can find something intriguing in most any subject. Not necessarily every class, but every broad subject. How does one go about narrowing it down? I look at a travel catalogue and I want to go to each place. How does one start in a meaningful direction?

Willravel: I guess I am an adult, but I am wanting. I just don't know what.

Crompsin

Did someone just call me Crompdaddy?

BET... here I come!

...

Society's merit badge system of "I have" and "I am" seems like a whole lot of crap as far as measuring who is and who isn't an adult. These integers are a good way to gauge how old somebody might be as far as years on this dirtball... but not necessarily their maturity or experience.

You don't have to be smart or rich or good looking to be an adult... despite what all those damned full-color froo-froo magazines tout.

...

Being an adult. Double lives.

Who we think we are... and who we are because we have to be.

Hmmm.

__________________
C19H28O2 = C6H2(NO2)3CH3

All your base are belong to us.

girldetective

C-Daddy: Yes. Yes, I did call you Daddy.

How do we integrate who we are with who we have to be, or who we want to be? And how do we know who we want to be? How do we become, and more importantly how do we know who we want to become? This is really terrible the more i go on because I realize I am lacking the self gene. But, I'll figure it out.

What the hell is that a picture of? I like it.

Jewels443:Yes, that is all right. However, this is a chronic piece that is missing for me. I never learned it before, and I don't seem to have picked it up in the interim. I can focus, but I don't know where to focus. I know a little about a lot, but nothing in depth. It's a question of pick and stick. How does one choose or narrow it down when it is all ripe?

PonyPotato

It's Muppet Jesus. He lived in a cinnamon roll.. and then I ate him.


As for the topic of adulthood.. I suppose I feel personally that there is always another "level" to achieve, another experience to have. I feel like I am "an adult"--I understand responsibilities and consequences, I'm legally recognized as an adult--but I still believe there are other steps to climb before I reach the level of "well-rounded, experienced human being."

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Formerly known as merleniau.

Ustwo

When I was a child I thought there was some magic point where I'd be an 'adult' and know all those things I wanted to know.

I was wrong, there is no time where you are an adult, its a constantly evolving state.

I thought I was an adult when I was in college, I was wrong.
I thought I was an adult when I was married, I was wrong.
I thought I was an adult when I became a doctor, I was wrong.
I thought I was an adult when I had my first child, I was wrong.
I think I'm an adult now.

By definition, I've been an adult at all those points, but I've changed so much as a person, improved and matured, that I can look at my past 'adult' selves and think 'god what a stupid kid I was'.

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

jewels

I don't think it matters until you find it. Maybe if you try focusing on the journey itself, enjoy the seeking. Take the pressure off yourself and then eventually you'll find what you're looking for. Try everything that's ripe and try not to worry about "pick and stick" until you find it. And hey, who knows, there may be a few things you can do that will work well for you.

__________________
Politics is applesauce.


- Will Rogers

PonyPotato

This post was a much better way of wording what I think I was trying to say.

__________________
"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Formerly known as merleniau.

Crompsin

*cue "Circle of Life" tune*

Yes, yes... we are what we do.

Whammawhamboo... hmmm, I don't know if I agree with your evolving definition of adulthood... you seem to be using experience in the place of maturity. Maturity can exist without experience. Experience simply gives you perspective on how you'll act/feel the next time. Increases "oh shit" reaction times. An emotional high fiber diet.

Is adulthood a lifelong achievement? Like education? Hey, I learn something every day... but not too many people feel that my time in Iraq / A-stan was educational.

It was an experience.

We aren't adults because we're ready for things... we're adults because we acknowledge our weaknesses or failures, we're adults because we accept our limitations and still get up in the morning and go off to work with a reasonable amount of "Aah, that's life for ya!" on our coffee-stained HUDs. Adults = true doers, go-getters, thinkers.


My prostate. Stop looking at it. I can't do it when you watch.

__________________
C19H28O2 = C6H2(NO2)3CH3

All your base are belong to us.

fracas

well it's a personal thing depending on however you achieve independence of means and mind from your childhood

however sexual maturity is an objective factor - setting up a new unit separate from your parents depends on emotional unity with another person.. which of course depends on sexual unity.

self denial doesn't sound like a good vector for self actualisation though, at least if it is in any way unreal

festered

I dont think there is much difference. We continue to grow spiritually and mentally until we die, constantly changing..

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'Had I chance to live my life again...I wouldn't have time.'

Crack

Perhaps you can only be an adult to others? Take my grandfather for instance, he was a crotchety old man from the time he was 9. For all I know, he still felt like a child when he died at 96.

Impressions of ones self are fleeting and almost always unfulfilled when you try to accomplish something that wasn't there by default. Perhaps some of us are not meant to be adults. I like that idea.

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From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.

genuinegirly

namako,

You understand yourself in a way that most do not.

You are where it begins. Next you must read. learn. absorb. Find your opinions and voice by challenging all you read and experience, approaching subjects from a new direction.

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"violence is no more or less real than non-violence. " roachboy

AngelaSI

If being an adult means being like most people 18+ then I will stay a child

SSJTWIZTA

i couldnt agree more.

__________________
First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist
Then they came for me And there was no one left to speak out for me.
-Pastor Martin Niemoller

ngdawg